My husband of almost 18 years has been suffering from chronic back pain, more so over the past 2 years. I am always searching for ways to survive the day to day challenges. I am 44 years old, I have three daughters, just finished my degree and work a full time job. My husband has been going through the "anger" stage. I say this coming years ago where he would not be able to work any longer due to the growing medical issues. But, he never took my advice to find a steady job that was less strenuous. Instead, I took the steps to go back to school, get my degree, and now will be starting a new job in a week with better benefits and pay to help support my family. He still hasn't filed any disability and I am left to apply for his health insurance through the market place. But, to him I am ungrateful and the one to blame for all the family problems. I know I am not. I went through the blame game when he was a bad alcoholic. I have just made a poor choice in a lifetime partner. As a Christian, I take my vows seriously. We have been stuck in for "worse, sickness and poorer" for years now. I pray each day that it will change. But the reality of it is that it won't. I think he is addicted to his pain. He has that type of personality. Each day is hard. I wish he would hit "rock bottom" like when he drank, so that it would stop. I have left for a few days to give me and my kids a break. We are blamed for NOT helping him. His priorities are out of order. He can not think logically. So must of what he says or does I ignore. I just try to focus on what I need to keep my head above water. I do believe that alot of his issues with clear thinking are due to all the medications that he is on. The reality is...things are not going to get better. I try to make things as normal as possible for my girls. Just some days are harder than others.