Fortunately, I don't fall into the category of having a selfish spouse but
If you check off a vast majority of the boxes on this list, the odds are your favor that you are on treacherous ground.
1. May propose love and marriage within only a few weeks of starting a relationship
2. Very charismatic or charming at first, but can quickly switch from Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde without apparent cause
3. Extreme infatuation with oneself, self-centered, expects to be recognized as superior, preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited power, success, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
4. Takes advantage of others to achieve his needs
5. Demonstrates a constant need for admiration or approval
6. Exaggerates personal achievements while minimizing those of others
7. Feels entitled to special treatment and that rules frequently don’t apply to him
8. May insist that he know your whereabouts at all times
9. Demands compliance with his expectations
10. Is unable to demonstrate or understand empathy or compassion
11. Does not seem to feel real happiness or positive emotions
12. Panics, cries, begs, and becomes emotional if he anticipates an end to a relationship
13. Quick to anger or feel insulted or slighted
14. Rages with anger or inflicts the silent treatment when upset
15. Sulks when he doesn’t get his way
16. Nothing is ever his fault
17. Doesn’t acknowledge or respect other’s boundaries
18. His need for attention, time and space matter – yours do not
19. Has difficulty putting himself in another’s shoes
20. Shows no feelings of remorse or guilt for his mistakes or the hurts he dishes out
21. Wins most arguments through the use of rationalizing his behavior
22. Frequently complains that whatever you do, it isn’t “good enough”
23. His attitude is generally haughty or arrogant
24. Expects you to read his mind when he wants something
"Is he really a narcissist?" That's what many of Mary Jo Fay’s clients ask her. Her standard reply: "It doesn't matter. The real question is 'Are you and your children healthy in this relationship?'”
Since dealing with a controlling husband can be very confusing, Fay, 52, a relationships counselor based in Denver, Colo., developed a list of what she terms “red flag narcissistic behaviors,” excerpted from her book “When Your Perfect Partner Goes Perfectly Wrong: A Survivor's Guide to Loving or Leaving the Narcissist in Your Life.”
“Whether the guy is a narcissist, drunk, controller, bi-polar or just a jerk, looking at your own health in the relationship is what really matters. And certainly for that of your kids, who are destined to grow up and repeat the pattern,” she said.
“These (questions) may help you to gain a clearer understanding of how a narcissist acts. Somatic narcissists may have more behaviors related to their bodies, while the cerebral ones will be more intellectually oriented,” she said, but cautioned, “Not all of these behaviors will necessarily show up in each person. And, in fact, many of us will likely have some of them ourselves.
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