I have post traumatic stress disorder which means I suffer from panic attacks, night terrors, anxiety, stress, depression, hightened emotional states and avoidant behaviour. All I've found to help is lots of Therapy and a small perscription of Lorazepam.
I was abused psychologically and emotionally by my Father and step Mother from age 11-15 before I made the decision to move out on my own just before the end of grade 10. At that point I was so numb from the trauma that it caused me to emotionally catch up now at age 20.
I wake up in panic and have attacks of terror without waking up. I have difficulty staying asleep so I wake up 4-10 times a night.
I take Lorazepam to prevent a panic attack. This medication is a small pill that I place under my tongue to let it desolve just as I feel a panic attack coming on. I find this to be 95% helpful. What it has done for me is give me the time to analyse my emotional response and learn how to prevent it from recurring. There are some times where the panic comes about too suddenly so I take the pill to make it last a shorter amount of time.
Therapy really is the best treatment. By going once a week I have learned how to express myself better and I've been able to make sense of the things I experienced despite the lack of logic in those events.
I think the most challenging part of my experience is not being able to show evidence of my past. I never had any bruises and there was never any sexual trauma. I still have difficulty justifying my trauma because I was not attacked or raped, but the reality is my experience was long term and wore me down slowly and quietly. I was almost 15 when I had to make the decision to cut all contact with my father and no child should have to do that. My brother who is two years yonger than me actually chose to leave a year before I did, so when he was 11. What he and I went though was sick, twisted and damaging but I'm still OK. Actually I'm more than ok. I have a great job, my relationship with my Mother is better and I've been in a healthy committed relationship for three and a half years now.
Therapy has allowed me to see that I am still strong, talented, beautiful and intelligent. I am really beginning to see that while I may have gone though something terrible, I can still be me and happy. I have not finished my treatment by any means but I've managed to make leaps and bounds all by myself.
For parents who are watching a child going through something similar I do have to say that to push someone into therapy is not a good idea. I didn't make the choice until the end of my first year of university because I just was not ready to handle my past. It was still easier to just go to classes, do my homework and repeat that day after day. Eventually I could no longer handle class and homework and I did flunk out, but that was mainly because of the program I chose. After that I found a Psychiatrist and began my sessions. It's been almost two years since then and looking back, the progress is amazing. I would not have been able to be as successful had someone pushed me to go before I was ready.
I hope this post is helpful to someone.
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