The last few months have been hell.. Each month I dread when my menstruation time is nearing (or should be nearing), and each month like a train wreck it hits. The pain... The incapacitating pain. I didn't understand, I didn't know what my body was doing, and I felt so alone and scared because I would hear. "Oh, you get period cramps, most woman do!" Thinking no one understood, that perhaps it was my imagination that the pain wasn't as bad as I figured it is. Three months ago, my addictions class was having a celebration for completing the IOP Program I run. I was running about trying to get things done! And it hit me... the PAIN. I felt like passing out, I felt like I wanted to throw up, I couldn't stand straight but I just kept on going and ended the night pale, passing so much blood and in pain. I managed through the day in that severe pain and thought then... WHAT IS the matter with me!!! Why is my body doing this, I am only 42. I pretended it was okay, like everyone said ohhhh it is just your cramps, not a big deal. Everyone wanted to minimize the pain, and I knew... I truly knew that when I had my son 22 years prior I don't remember the pain being anywhere near as bad as those cramps. Fast forward to this past month April 2012. My menstrual cycle hits, within three hours I am unable to properly stand at work, trying to get my books done for class that day I finally realize I cna't do this. I tell my Manager what is going on, and luckily she has had some Uterine issues she tells me to leave and go see a Doctor. I called my husband and told him, I am headed to Emergency I can't deal with this pain anymore something horrible is wrong. I drove the half hour to the hospital alone, pulling over 3 times to rest because I felt like I was going to pass our from the severe pain. I ended up seeing the most compassionate doctor who finally gave me a bit of morphine and scheduled me for a ultra sound two days from that moment. Gave me a prescription for some pretty heavy duty medication to help with pain and said to me, "we will figure this out, don't worry" I believed her. Shortly after my internal ultrasound that wonderful doctor called me and said I need you to come in and see me. I did... When she informed me that I had fibroids I had all these questions swimming through my head. And I realized!! I wasn't crazy, it wasn't in my head and it had a name. I don't know yet at this point how severe they are only knowing that there are multiple fibroids. I have no clue where, or how big or even how long this might have been going on. But I do know now why I have a distended abdomen, why I have all this pain, why my legs hurt all the time especially during my period and why I need to urinate so often especially at night. The doctor I saw did state to me, that my fibroids are many and that they are different kinds and most likely procedures such as ablasion would not be an option. She felt that the ObGyn that I will be seeing is going to probably suggest a hysterectomy and that due to what she has seen on the report it would be a better option for me. *then I cried like a baby* My husband was a bit taken aback because he thought that I would probably be thrilled to not have a monthly time no more. But it was more than that for me, it was the fact that I would be losing the home my only son was initially raised in. It would be the fact that I am only 42 and despite I couldn't have children, that thought of my uterus completely leaving me hurt. I have yet to see the ObGyn, I don't know what more there is to come at this point. I only know that I am scared, that I feel pretty much alone right now despite having my wonderful husband hold my hand and walk with me during this time. I have so many questions I should have asked my doctor, so many questions that now run through my head. And I am afraid.. Afraid to tell my family, to call my son and say that word surgery. Scared to think of the next few months and what it holds. And now its May, and despite my doctor giving me multiple prescriptions for pain meds, I am waiting on that day..... The day that my menstrual cycle decides to appear because now it has a name. Now I know what it is, but I still fear that pain.