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On Leaving Your Mother, Part 3: Repercussions and Healing

By HERWriter
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On Leaving Your Mother, Part 3: The Repercussions and the Healing soft_light/Fotolia

Part I addressed the problem: Some of us have mothers intent on our emotional destruction, who habitually diminish and criticize us. Part II listed the emotional and spiritual steps for limiting contact with a narcissistic mother, or for severing ties completely.

You have decided to go No-Contact (NC). What next?

Well, first, prepare to be admonished by well-meaning people. Those specializing in recovery from narcissistic abuse use the term “flying monkeys” to describe the emissaries groomed by your mother to believe her tale of woe and victimization, and sent to convince you of your wrongdoing.

A reader, Shannon L., shared, "The further I move away from my mother (literally and figuratively) the angrier she gets. She starts leaning on her flying monkeys more, and then they get mad at me too."

My personal best example of the scheming and manipulation by a narcissist, how they anoint their flying monkeys and the emotional fallout that ensues, happened a few months before I finally went NC from my mother.

My husband and I had closed on a house on December 24, 2013. We had about four weeks to clean it up, paint it, tear out some ugly counters and put in flooring. So instead of dinner and Mass on Christmas Eve, we decided to get started on the house and have a family meal Christmas day instead.

I invited my mother: “Our new house closes on the 24th, so we will be celebrating Christmas on Christmas Day.”

Amidst the scrape and crack of breaking tile, the thunderclap of a dumpster landing in the driveway, list making, hardware store runs and worries about staying within budget, I checked my email. There was an urgent message from my sweet auntie who lives several states away. I’ll paraphrase:

“Misty,” she began, “you are such a good Christian, a loving mom to your kids and good wife to your husband.

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We value and respect our HERWriters' experiences, but everyone is different. Many of our writers are speaking from personal experience, and what's worked for them may not work for you. Their articles are not a substitute for medical advice, although we hope you can gain knowledge from their insight.

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