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How TalkTo Someone Going Through Infertility

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I stumbled upon a fertility blog that I had not read before with a very cute title "Baby Smiling In Back Seat: or that's the goal anyway!" where the author (couldn't find her name in the "about me" section) was discussing the proper etiquette of discussing infertility and babies with a person experiencing infertility. She had picked up on a dialog in Melissa Ford's blog on Blogher "What To Say to Those Experiencing Infertility" - and was continuing the conversation and offering her own thoughts. I loved these two blogs - and I have nothing more to add on the subject except some true confessions of my own and a bit of historical memory.

When it was me going through infertility, there was nothing anyone could say that worked. I was one raw, overly sensitive, emotional time bomb waiting to go off. It wasn't pretty. And yes - it would have been good if my doctor hadn't commented on how puffy I looked after my Pergonal cycle (Just mentioning Pergonal as a fertility drug let's you know how old I am - I bet you have never even heard of it). And yes - it would have been wonderful if my mother in law had not suggested that I create and run the baby shower for my sister in law (I did it) - and if my pharmacist hadn't said to me when I picked up the seventh refill of my fertility medication prescription, "I guess this isn't working for you...." (I cried after that one for about a week). Yeah - if all of that hadn't happened - it would have been nice!

What has not been talked about is that some of the rules of the road have changed when it comes to infertility manners. Now remember - I have been at this a long time. I was a mere child of 24 when I jumped on the infertility roller coaster - and started volunteering for RESOLVE NYC. Let's say (just to be kind) that this was about 20 years ago. Back then - and until fairly recently - we infertile people had lots of rules about what was acceptable behavior and what was not.

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We value and respect our HERWriters' experiences, but everyone is different. Many of our writers are speaking from personal experience, and what's worked for them may not work for you. Their articles are not a substitute for medical advice, although we hope you can gain knowledge from their insight.

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