After my second visit from my Hospice nurse and my first visit with the social worker I am ensconced in my recliner with my son’s laptop and a pretty rotten day is winding down very nicely. I seem to be having fairly miserable mornings and then things get better in the afternoon, but this morning was more than fairly miserable. I am still experimenting with medications to try to keep nausea and abdominal fullness under control and today just flat out didn’t work. Pain is very well controlled again and I actually took my first dose of rescue oxycodone in over a week this morning.
Why is Hospice wonderful? Because I am relaxed and at ease right now after my visit with them. Because I feel more in control of my situation. Because they are helping me figure out how to make this transition from active to not active, a transition which is happening much more quickly than I could possibly have imagined, less scary and sad than it was being just a few hours ago.
I have taken care of my leave paperwork and Social Security Disability application and am working on long term disability and insurance premium waivers, so most of the administratrivia is behind me and I can just enjoy the holiday season. One thing staring death in the face has done for me is nudge me to be much more prepared for that than usual. No Christmas tree this year, which is very strange, but we have lovely greenery and decorations in the family room, where I spend all my time, and we’ve already had a couple of snows so it FEELS like the holidays, even without that tree.