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Kim shares how menopause affected her sexual health and the relationship with her husband.
Kim:
I was recently married. I was only married for four or five months before going through menopause and I had also noticed a cessation in periods and was doing a bit of you know, yay kind of dance like isn’t this great that that’s one last thing to worry about and that was another indication of the menopause, but at the time I really wasn’t catching that. But very quickly, my husband was just appalled that I would, and I had an interest in sex prior to this.
So he was really trying to be very supportive and we were going through the infertility treatments together but over a very short period of time, this got older and older and older and I became less willing to discuss it.
Every time I would try to bring this up with a doctor to say, “I really do have an issue here, sex is so painful that I actually had tears in my eyes and would literally try to hide this from my husband,” the doctors would say any number of things, not the most rude of which was, “Gee, you could have a lot worse things happen to you. Quit whining, a lot of women don’t have a very strong sex drive and kind of get over it,” and it made me feel sick and it made me feel terrible because I felt that if I couldn’t discuss this with my doctor and I was having difficulty discussing this with my husband there was really no one to talk about this with and there really wasn’t a sympathetic ear.
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I too remarried in my late 40's. I was thin, and hadn't had sex for years. My sex life with my new husband was awesome. But then in the summer of 2006, one year before we got married, the weight gain started. It came on so fast I couldn't afford to keep replacing my clothes. I started wearing my fiance's shirts...to work!!! Within 6 months I gained 40-50 lbs.!!! I was this fat person in my wedding dress. My husband was so supportive. I went into a deep depression. We both lost our fathers that year. I began to lose my libido fairly quickly. I finally got on Prempro, and on the right dosage. It has helped, but my weight is still in the way. You know, this may sound silly - but I found out how differently overweight women are treated. It's been a real learning experience. I feel invisible. I have not been happy with myself since.
July 18, 2011 - 12:47pmThis Comment
I can relate to Kim's experience, and add a happy chapter two.
June 15, 2010 - 5:52pmI was remarried at age 44 with a sex drive that my husband said, most men would die for. By age 48 I was through menopause. I rapidly lost interest in physical intimacy altogether, and intercourse was so painful that I had to stop my husband in mid act.
My doctor suggested an estrogen cream that I only used 2 or 3 times. I rarely have any discomfort anymore. My husband's sex drive has slowed down so that we are again on the same page. Together we are working to rekindle our sex life, because we still can. We are healthy, active people and we know that an active sex life leads to better health in our golden years.
My issue now at age 55 is my memory loss. My mind is like lightning...one brilliant flash and it's gone! Every morning is truly a new day because I can't remember what I did yesterday. I don't stay angry very long because I can't remember what upset me in the first place. Going up and down the stairs multiple times in search of something, and then retracing my steps in hopes of remembering why I was looking for it in the first place is what I call, "My menopause exercise program."
I was very concerned in the beginning when I wasn't in control of what was happening to my body. But I have learned to laugh at myself and marvel at how amazing the mind is and the body that houses it.
I do hope women can find a way to cope until they regain some control, even if that means just accepting life as it is.
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