Finding Middle Ground In Relationships

Nothing scares me more than feeling really at odds with my husband. In fact, in order to avoid the terror of not wanting what he wants or not not agreeing with his parenting style, I go to great lengths to Pre-Compromise before encountering any type of frustrating confrontation.
There are so many versions of dysfunctional relationship styles that it's often hard to tell if you are engaging in a covert duck-and-cover operation to avoid really having a conversation or if you, in fact, have yielded to your partner's will with eyes wide open.

In blended families, in particular, emotions can run extremely high. Having had divorced parents and two step parents myself, I can relate not only to my husband's concerns of daily boy-raising and proper boundaries, but also deeply to my boys' attachment worries, fears of rejection and insecurities.
So what happens when that pleasant evening with the family turns into a knock-down-drag-out verbal battle and crying jag, with one or both of you exiting the premises
a) for a drive
b) for a coffee
c) to scream at an unjust universe?
The only things I've come to in my many years is that if you can't calm down, things will get worse and, you have to find your ability to trust this person, be able to talk it through with them, and never, ever hold a grudge.
This is difficult, however, holding grudges and building up resentment over time can literally erode the foundation of your relationship. By holding on, we stop moving forward, blocking our hearts against forgiveness and therefore refusing to accept not being "in the right."
For more on resentment, click on this link: http://coachingtohappiness.com/happiness-book/resentment-in-relationships.html
Sometimes your partner's stance may seem to be so much the polar opposite of any kind of process you would have that you automatically label it as wrong. Maturity in relationships involves stepping back, taking some time to regain a larger perspective and differentiating between your initial gut reaction and the possibility that your partner actually may have a point. The deeper your trust in them becomes, the more often you will be able to see things from their point of view and, if you don't agree at that point, to gently talk about it rather than get all emotional.
For another excellent resource on compromising in relationships, see the following link:
http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2010/09/28/the-power-of-the-middle-ground/

Aimee Boyle is happily and actively married in CT raising two wonderful, strange and constantly developing little (getting bigger) boys. She is a special education teacher and a regular contributor to EmpowHER.

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Tags:

• Divorce & Separation
• Relationships & Family