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Managing Sex and Your Relationship

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couple-discussing-their-sex-life iStockphoto/Thinkstock

Living without a good sex life is like living without proper nutrition or enough exercise. You will probably survive, but you will not be nearly as vibrant, healthy or happy as a result.

For many people, living without good sex is something they’ve come to accept, particularly if they’re in a relationship in which sex is not a priority, sexual compatibility is non-existent, or the discussions around sex do not happen as they could.

Discussions around sex? Yes!

In order to remedy a difficult or unsatisfying sexual relationship, discussion is key. The first step toward remedying your sex life is to really explore with yourself what your authentic tastes, likes and dislikes are.

Have you even thought about these? If not, there is no possible way your partner can know what you really like, what turns you on, or what will keep you turned on over time.

If you haven’t explored at all, begin by letting yourself take some quiet time alone over the next few weeks or even months. Looking at different pictures, reading erotica, even tuning into porn can give you a sense of what you really like and what you would want or be willing to try with your partner.

After figuring some of this out the next step is to open your mouth and tell this to your partner!

It could be as fun and titillating as wanting to buy sex toys or as subtle and simple as stating “you know, I’m really ticklish on my back and if the pressure of your fingers is too light, I just feel uncomfortable.” Not very dramatic, really.

We all want our partners to be telepathic in the bedroom, to know exactly what we want, when we want it and for how long. No one wants to use clumsy old language to convey the thoughts and feelings of the flesh. Yet we must!

Another wonderful option is to buy a book explaining sexual issues, showing pictures of positions, outlining various techniques to try. Reading this book with your partner and simply pointing to a particular page or picture that turns you on and nodding may say more than hours of conversation ever could.

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We value and respect our HERWriters' experiences, but everyone is different. Many of our writers are speaking from personal experience, and what's worked for them may not work for you. Their articles are not a substitute for medical advice, although we hope you can gain knowledge from their insight.

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