fallingstars

I am a single woman living on my own with a part time job in the insurance field. Since I was a child I have had asthma and allergies which I never slowed me down, I look at it more as a challenge to see how far I can push myself and where my limits can be stretched. In many ways I've always looked at the glass half full then half empty.
During my junior year of high school (a few years back now...) I lost my Aunt to complications to an intestinal transplant. She had been sick for years, and it was difficult watching her fade away. Less than a year later my Grandpa (on the same side of the family) was diagnosed with Luekemia. He went through chemo therapy but in the end decided that being at home was better than being in the hospital seeking treatment. He did go through a marrow transplant but in the end it failed. I have to say that it was extremely difficult watching his memory fade and him not being able to remember me towards the end. The day of his funeral I left for a missions trip through my church to Lima, Peru. My Grandpa had been my biggest supporter for the trip, the absolute hardest thing was knowing through out my trip that when I got back I wouldn't be able to tell my Grandpa how it had gone. That he wouldn't be there for me to congragulate me and ask me how it had changed me. Throughout all of this my other aunt (also on the same side of the family) has attempted suicide including ODing and alcohol multiple times and has been on life support more times then I even care to count. She's been in and out of hospitals, clinics and care centers so many times that it almost doesn't phase me anymore. Recently she has gotten to the point where the rest of the family and I think that she's just hanging on for her son (my cousin) to get back from Afghanistan where he's been deployed for the last year. He gets back in a week or so, so my aunt and her mom (my grandma) have been planning the funneral. Where she'd like to be buried, the type of service she'd like, type of casket, etc. It's been extremely hard having my aunt plan her own funeral, she should be living her life not planning her death and services.
Throughout my childhood and teen years I was emotionally, phyiscally and mentally abused. I didnt even realize that I was being abused until I moved out and was sat down by my now ex-boyfriend and told what was really happening. It's something that I've been working through but I will be the first to admit that it is difficult having that main male role model (my dad) not be the type of role model that would help me lead healthy relationships with my guy friends or future husband. I do understand what a healthy relationship with any man would be and now strive towards it with the guy friends I do have.
When I sit down and let my thoughts take me, it amazes me that I'm still here and have such a positive outlook on life. Throughout all my struggles personally and with my family it's made me look at life and ask "why not?" to things that I would love to do, places I'd love to travel, experiences that can make me a more well rounded person. To look at what other's are going through and have compassion, to be able to listen to them and understand where they are coming from. The best thing though is that I know there is so much more that life can offer me to learn and grasp, that even if I feel like my world is falling apart there's someone out there that could learn through what I've been through and in turn I can learn from them.
There's alot more to my story but I fear it would take far too much space to put it all into words, so for now I'll leave it at that and may continue it later.