yogibear3

I am 23 and when i was fourteen my life took a turn for the worst my family fought a lot with my older sister not much older than me sometimes things got out of control when they handled her and the fights were physical. Id scream and cry when this happened and shake i couldn't calm myself down.as a result id lose the ability to move temporarily. At first my parents didn't take me to the doctor for this they just helped me to walk till it came back but after one bad fight it did not come back and i was taken to the hospital when they couldn't find the cause of my not walking they refered me to a neurologist who took a look at me lifted my leg up and said i had conversion disorder and everything would be okay i went to a therapist after that who explained what i had.conversion disorder the manifestation of mental stress into physical symptoms caused by a trauma and unable to be diagnosed by medical test some people get seizures. Ive gotten paralysis in my neck and back inability to walk and speak and body jerks uncontrollably. And it got worse as the fighting got worse.i also began to hear voices and did my first suicide attempt in one night i never told anyone at first i was confused what i was hearing.only when they called my name one night did i realize they weren't me.i never actually attempted suicide the first time i went to the psych ward i wrote a note that a teacher found and took on a Friday then Monday got called in the school office were cops were they questioned me about the note and what the voices said i couldn't tell them so i went to st helena in vallejo there i told them i heard voices also there i went on my water food permanent fast i lasted five days before I got sent to the er worst experience of my life i was forcfully iv fed then restrained then drugged and came to then drugged again. When i got out i had a new diagnosis added on psychotic depression.a month or two later after that the fighting was the same my symptoms were still bad so i was barely walking or moving sometimes.i ended up back in the hospital this time a different one.i hated this place cause it revealed my dark side thrre had been few problems in the hospital before but this one i learned i liked standing on counters and they didnt i ended up with my first injection there were several more of these all with haldol till i had a terrible reaction and it was stopped.i have been in a lot of hospitals for suicide attempts to many to go over.but one stuck out i was sent to a hospital half mental hospital and i hated it patients kept coming in my room and no one cared a psychiatrist came to see me for ten minutes in the quiet room diagnosed me bipolar and i don't have not will not believe it for a second .ive moved to aparments since then with my family my condition as of late has gotten worse i still am struggling with suicide and lately my converison disorder has reared up and attacked.im lucky to be alive though and my sister who once hated me now has moved out and we have a better relationship