Thank you everyone for your comments and insight. Susan, I did tell him when I found everything. I can honestly say it was the most emotionally horrific moment of my entire life. His reaction was one of sorrow and humiliation and regret...or so it seemed. I found out that he continued the affair for about 3 months while he was telling me it was over. It wasn't until we were stationed elsewhere that it really ended and honestly, I think she and I ended it for him because she moved on and I got stronger. He truly is doing all the things now that he should have done from the beginning but I can't forget...the photos, letters, knowledge that he even did this won't leave. I have now started seeing a therapist. To be honest I come from a place of abject fear and can't see myself without him in my life. I'm working on the fear. I tell myself now that this is what I'm working on....ME. Am I too damaged? CAN I live with this knowledge? Will I ever trust him and is this enough for me? I make no promises right now, am just trying to take care of me. TO ANONYMOUS, I so appreciate your taking the time to write to me. I understand your skittishness regarding marriage and relationships being that you are in the military. Unfortunately, just in the time that we have been in the military I have seen the decline of families as well as the military's support of family values. They have co-ed showers and rooms that don't define gender or rank or married and single. It wasn't always like this. Don't let all you have seen sour you on all relationships or all women. There are lots of people like you and I out there that regard fidelity and vows and love to be of the utmost importance. There is a twist in my story in that my husband is an officer and the "girl" was a Private. I know my contract is with my husband (truly I do) and he should have been the responsible one but you can the letters and the boldness (beyond boldness) of this girl who seduced and was cocky and confident and eventually won over. Again, I know it was his responsibility but I am shocked by both of their behavior. He could have been court martialled and would certainly have lost his job. We saw another Major who committed suicide once he was found out and they were in Iraq because he didn't want to face his family after found out and yet my husband continued to risk everything...the career we followed and I gave up so much to follow, children, everything. It shocked me. Maybe war and continued deployments can add to this, I'm sure it can by the 3rd deployment, but she was brand new and it was like a careless game. Blech, too much in my head as you can see. Again, thank you guys. This is a big help to me.
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Thank you everyone for your comments and insight. Susan, I did tell him when I found everything. I can honestly say it was the most emotionally horrific moment of my entire life. His reaction was one of sorrow and humiliation and regret...or so it seemed. I found out that he continued the affair for about 3 months while he was telling me it was over. It wasn't until we were stationed elsewhere that it really ended and honestly, I think she and I ended it for him because she moved on and I got stronger. He truly is doing all the things now that he should have done from the beginning but I can't forget...the photos, letters, knowledge that he even did this won't leave. I have now started seeing a therapist. To be honest I come from a place of abject fear and can't see myself without him in my life. I'm working on the fear. I tell myself now that this is what I'm working on....ME. Am I too damaged? CAN I live with this knowledge? Will I ever trust him and is this enough for me? I make no promises right now, am just trying to take care of me. TO ANONYMOUS, I so appreciate your taking the time to write to me. I understand your skittishness regarding marriage and relationships being that you are in the military. Unfortunately, just in the time that we have been in the military I have seen the decline of families as well as the military's support of family values. They have co-ed showers and rooms that don't define gender or rank or married and single. It wasn't always like this. Don't let all you have seen sour you on all relationships or all women. There are lots of people like you and I out there that regard fidelity and vows and love to be of the utmost importance. There is a twist in my story in that my husband is an officer and the "girl" was a Private. I know my contract is with my husband (truly I do) and he should have been the responsible one but you can the letters and the boldness (beyond boldness) of this girl who seduced and was cocky and confident and eventually won over. Again, I know it was his responsibility but I am shocked by both of their behavior. He could have been court martialled and would certainly have lost his job. We saw another Major who committed suicide once he was found out and they were in Iraq because he didn't want to face his family after found out and yet my husband continued to risk everything...the career we followed and I gave up so much to follow, children, everything. It shocked me. Maybe war and continued deployments can add to this, I'm sure it can by the 3rd deployment, but she was brand new and it was like a careless game. Blech, too much in my head as you can see. Again, thank you guys. This is a big help to me.
January 23, 2011 - 8:06amThis Comment
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