Hello all, and thank you for your posts. I've needed a place to speak my mind, and I am glad I found this site. Here's my situation. I'm in a fairly new relationship with a man who was diagnosed with MS 10 years ago. He was married for a total of 17 years, and given his marriage was already in a bad state, when he told me his wife said, "I don't think our marriage can survive this diagnosis," I knew the potential challenges I would face. I didn't choose to enter into this relationship because I am a "rescuer." I chose to enter into it because I fell in love with a man who is funny, incredibly intelligent and who I could see myself growing old with. But at nearly 48 years of age and not even six months into the relationship, I just feel myself growing old.
As with any new relationship the first few months were wonderful. Sure we had our fair share of growing pains, and I was completely accepting of some of the physical limitations MS cruelly besets many men with. Nonetheless, we had a satisfying sex life. We talked about everything. We laughed and got along like peas and carrots. But inevitably I began to notice huge mood swings and depressive episodes with him that worried me. In short, I see him as being in complete denial about how deeply affected he truly is by his MS. "I don't think about it that much," he tells me, but yet every day I hear his complaints about being sore from his Copaxil injections, I listen to him constantly complain about body aches and pains, I see him struggle to urinate, move his bowels and listen to his stories of panic when he has to drive to and from work every day. I watch him drink every night and then gorge himself on a 5,000+ calorie meal before retiring to bed. He is 50+ pounds overweight and both the excessive eating and drinking are classic signs of depression. I am watching this man try to quell his anxieties and fears about his MS through every means possible except counseling. When I gently mentioned joining an MS support group or perhaps talking to a specialist in the field, I was shut down rudely and completely. He absolutely refuses to acknowledge how this disease is not only detrimentally affecting him, but me as well. I have found myself walking on eggshells the majority of the time, and trying to make "nice," so as not to get him upset. He says stress exacerbates his MS which is in fact, true. But relationships can be stressful and require work and attentiveness if they are to last. I am a very strong woman, and I have been patient, kind and loving, but I am now at my wits end. I am ready to leave him and even told him as such. He said he didn't want me to-that he loved me and wanted me to stay, but for my own mental stability, I am ready to walk out the door and not look back. While I can only empathize how horrible it must be to receive a diagnosis of MS, I have two friends who have it, and they are doing everything they can to lead healthy lives. I know they struggle, but I see they're happy and their spouses are happy, too. I can only surmise that my boyfriend either just doesn't know how to ask for help or he revels in just being miserable, cruel and controlling. His "my way or the highway" attitude is highly indicative of the fact that perhaps he feels so out of control with his MS that being selfish, rude and insensitive to me is a means of garnering some semblance of control in his life that the MS has taken away from him. I'm astute enough to recognize that may be the case, but I'm also self-aware enough to recognize that perhaps we just aren't as compatible as I thought we were. I do not know what to do. My head tells me to leave. My heart tells me to stay. And when those two parts of me start battling it out, I am left feeling completely drained. I understand no one can tell me what I should do. Ultimately the decision is mine. But being able to speak my mind without being judged and sharing my story is somewhat therapeutic.
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Hello all, and thank you for your posts. I've needed a place to speak my mind, and I am glad I found this site. Here's my situation. I'm in a fairly new relationship with a man who was diagnosed with MS 10 years ago. He was married for a total of 17 years, and given his marriage was already in a bad state, when he told me his wife said, "I don't think our marriage can survive this diagnosis," I knew the potential challenges I would face. I didn't choose to enter into this relationship because I am a "rescuer." I chose to enter into it because I fell in love with a man who is funny, incredibly intelligent and who I could see myself growing old with. But at nearly 48 years of age and not even six months into the relationship, I just feel myself growing old.
April 12, 2013 - 4:37pmAs with any new relationship the first few months were wonderful. Sure we had our fair share of growing pains, and I was completely accepting of some of the physical limitations MS cruelly besets many men with. Nonetheless, we had a satisfying sex life. We talked about everything. We laughed and got along like peas and carrots. But inevitably I began to notice huge mood swings and depressive episodes with him that worried me. In short, I see him as being in complete denial about how deeply affected he truly is by his MS. "I don't think about it that much," he tells me, but yet every day I hear his complaints about being sore from his Copaxil injections, I listen to him constantly complain about body aches and pains, I see him struggle to urinate, move his bowels and listen to his stories of panic when he has to drive to and from work every day. I watch him drink every night and then gorge himself on a 5,000+ calorie meal before retiring to bed. He is 50+ pounds overweight and both the excessive eating and drinking are classic signs of depression. I am watching this man try to quell his anxieties and fears about his MS through every means possible except counseling. When I gently mentioned joining an MS support group or perhaps talking to a specialist in the field, I was shut down rudely and completely. He absolutely refuses to acknowledge how this disease is not only detrimentally affecting him, but me as well. I have found myself walking on eggshells the majority of the time, and trying to make "nice," so as not to get him upset. He says stress exacerbates his MS which is in fact, true. But relationships can be stressful and require work and attentiveness if they are to last. I am a very strong woman, and I have been patient, kind and loving, but I am now at my wits end. I am ready to leave him and even told him as such. He said he didn't want me to-that he loved me and wanted me to stay, but for my own mental stability, I am ready to walk out the door and not look back. While I can only empathize how horrible it must be to receive a diagnosis of MS, I have two friends who have it, and they are doing everything they can to lead healthy lives. I know they struggle, but I see they're happy and their spouses are happy, too. I can only surmise that my boyfriend either just doesn't know how to ask for help or he revels in just being miserable, cruel and controlling. His "my way or the highway" attitude is highly indicative of the fact that perhaps he feels so out of control with his MS that being selfish, rude and insensitive to me is a means of garnering some semblance of control in his life that the MS has taken away from him. I'm astute enough to recognize that may be the case, but I'm also self-aware enough to recognize that perhaps we just aren't as compatible as I thought we were. I do not know what to do. My head tells me to leave. My heart tells me to stay. And when those two parts of me start battling it out, I am left feeling completely drained. I understand no one can tell me what I should do. Ultimately the decision is mine. But being able to speak my mind without being judged and sharing my story is somewhat therapeutic.
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