I am 39 and my husband is 45 years we have a 5 and 8 year old. Unlike must of the comments my husbands health problems are his own doing. He is a long time smoker suffering from severe advanced heart disease and type 2 diabetes. He does not take care of himself and he is often anger about his health and anyone who mentions it. We have been separated this year and are slowly working on putting things back together. And today he is his in the hospital waiting on a cath and surely another stint.
My message and I what I have found is that his anger, his distance from me is all misdirected anger and disappointment in himself. THis fuels his depression, which he is not treating. He is embarrassed that he is this weak and vulnerable person, it is not who he was when he was younger. And It not who he wants to be now, he is overwhelmed by the progression of it all.
I have learned that creating my own life around his has made me happy. I stay focused on him and our young daughters' needs but I do not let his health consume me as it did. I know we will be in the hospital again, I know that the emphysema will begin soon as his COPD progresses, but I knew all this when I married him.
The more I have let go of the need to be involved in his health and the need to be held back by his health, I have noticed he is taking more of an interest in me and his own health.
They are not anger at us or hate us, they hate who they can not be for us. They hate that they can not contribute as they think they should, or preform in bed as they use to or that they are a financial drain, that's why they obsess over finances or just give up on physically getting close to us. It is misdirected and isolating to both parties. That is what I have learned and my own security now in knowing that it is not me that is the problem is making all the difference in both of us.
he is happy seeing me happy and it is a great example on how to keep moving forward despite obstacles for our daughters.
There is a little spark of hope that this time it will stick, and he will exercise and not smoke. I know that it wont stick and he will be back out there smoking, eating gas station food and not exercising. But he will still be a great father, creative and talented husband and for now that is enough. It has taken me over a year, lots of anger and a separation to come to this place, knowing that I (me not him) need to move past his health if I want a life with him.
Thanks for listening to me ramble.
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I am 39 and my husband is 45 years we have a 5 and 8 year old. Unlike must of the comments my husbands health problems are his own doing. He is a long time smoker suffering from severe advanced heart disease and type 2 diabetes. He does not take care of himself and he is often anger about his health and anyone who mentions it. We have been separated this year and are slowly working on putting things back together. And today he is his in the hospital waiting on a cath and surely another stint.
November 2, 2014 - 9:20amMy message and I what I have found is that his anger, his distance from me is all misdirected anger and disappointment in himself. THis fuels his depression, which he is not treating. He is embarrassed that he is this weak and vulnerable person, it is not who he was when he was younger. And It not who he wants to be now, he is overwhelmed by the progression of it all.
I have learned that creating my own life around his has made me happy. I stay focused on him and our young daughters' needs but I do not let his health consume me as it did. I know we will be in the hospital again, I know that the emphysema will begin soon as his COPD progresses, but I knew all this when I married him.
The more I have let go of the need to be involved in his health and the need to be held back by his health, I have noticed he is taking more of an interest in me and his own health.
They are not anger at us or hate us, they hate who they can not be for us. They hate that they can not contribute as they think they should, or preform in bed as they use to or that they are a financial drain, that's why they obsess over finances or just give up on physically getting close to us. It is misdirected and isolating to both parties. That is what I have learned and my own security now in knowing that it is not me that is the problem is making all the difference in both of us.
he is happy seeing me happy and it is a great example on how to keep moving forward despite obstacles for our daughters.
There is a little spark of hope that this time it will stick, and he will exercise and not smoke. I know that it wont stick and he will be back out there smoking, eating gas station food and not exercising. But he will still be a great father, creative and talented husband and for now that is enough. It has taken me over a year, lots of anger and a separation to come to this place, knowing that I (me not him) need to move past his health if I want a life with him.
Thanks for listening to me ramble.
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