My heart goes out to you, for I know exactly how you are feeling right now. It sounds like I, too, am going through a lot of the same things that you are. I am 33 years old and my boyfriend is 53, but he also has COPD. He is on oxygen 24/7, can't walk any distance without gasping for air, he also has panic attacks and is on xanax because of it which makes things even more frustrating, he can't lay down to sleep anymore, so he has to sit up all day and night, dozing in and out of sleep constantly, sometimes falling off the couch and making it impossible to have a conversation most days, showering is now something that requires so much energy, he is lucky to get one every couple of weeks... It's all very hard to deal with at times, for me and especially for him. Some days I just get so frustrated with him and the situation, that I take everything out on him, and this makes me feel even more guilty... I moved him into my moms basement with me, thinking that it would be easier for me to take care of him that way, but it just didn't work out that way and we fight all the time about everything. I got him approved for housing and am trying to find him his own place right now, but I worry so much about how he is ever going to be able to take care of himself in his own apartment again. I have told him several times that this just isn't working anymore between us, that I will always love him and be there for him, but I need more than what he can give me right now. The look on his face when I tell him these things just breaks my heart into pieces, as I know that I am breaking his as well. So do I stay in a dead relationship and forfeit my own happiness? I have decided that when he moves, I will still be there for him and take care of him the best that I can, but I am going to try to move on with my life and if I find someone else that I am happy with, then that is what is meant to be, because I do want love and intimacy in my life again and I want to feel like I am loved and wanted. But then I tell myself doesn't he deserve to have those same things too... I go back and forth with these feelings so much within my mind that the guilt is sometimes overwhelming. I know that moving on is what is best for me because if I continue to stay in this relationship, I will become even more resentful toward him and I don't want to feel that way. I believe that you have done the right thing by leaving and I admire you for having the courage to do it. Although, I'm sure that leaving him has been one of the hardest things that you have done, as I know it will be for me also, there is no easy and pain free solution to a situation like this. If you ever want to talk, please feel free to message me because I know how comforting it can be just to have someone to talk to who truly understands what you are going through. I truly hope that everything works out well for you because you do deserve to be happy too, you know, just like all of us do.
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My heart goes out to you, for I know exactly how you are feeling right now. It sounds like I, too, am going through a lot of the same things that you are. I am 33 years old and my boyfriend is 53, but he also has COPD. He is on oxygen 24/7, can't walk any distance without gasping for air, he also has panic attacks and is on xanax because of it which makes things even more frustrating, he can't lay down to sleep anymore, so he has to sit up all day and night, dozing in and out of sleep constantly, sometimes falling off the couch and making it impossible to have a conversation most days, showering is now something that requires so much energy, he is lucky to get one every couple of weeks... It's all very hard to deal with at times, for me and especially for him. Some days I just get so frustrated with him and the situation, that I take everything out on him, and this makes me feel even more guilty... I moved him into my moms basement with me, thinking that it would be easier for me to take care of him that way, but it just didn't work out that way and we fight all the time about everything. I got him approved for housing and am trying to find him his own place right now, but I worry so much about how he is ever going to be able to take care of himself in his own apartment again. I have told him several times that this just isn't working anymore between us, that I will always love him and be there for him, but I need more than what he can give me right now. The look on his face when I tell him these things just breaks my heart into pieces, as I know that I am breaking his as well. So do I stay in a dead relationship and forfeit my own happiness? I have decided that when he moves, I will still be there for him and take care of him the best that I can, but I am going to try to move on with my life and if I find someone else that I am happy with, then that is what is meant to be, because I do want love and intimacy in my life again and I want to feel like I am loved and wanted. But then I tell myself doesn't he deserve to have those same things too... I go back and forth with these feelings so much within my mind that the guilt is sometimes overwhelming. I know that moving on is what is best for me because if I continue to stay in this relationship, I will become even more resentful toward him and I don't want to feel that way. I believe that you have done the right thing by leaving and I admire you for having the courage to do it. Although, I'm sure that leaving him has been one of the hardest things that you have done, as I know it will be for me also, there is no easy and pain free solution to a situation like this. If you ever want to talk, please feel free to message me because I know how comforting it can be just to have someone to talk to who truly understands what you are going through. I truly hope that everything works out well for you because you do deserve to be happy too, you know, just like all of us do.
December 28, 2014 - 11:21amThis Comment
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