Its seems that this is a safe place for honestly sharing how we feel living with a sick spouse. And what I am about to say I would never dare say outloud. But the fact I get to say it on here I am hoping is enough. Because I am at the end of my rope with this situation. Maybe getting this out will help me, or help one of you, or just give me enough releif to get through even just one day feeling a little less like this is all bottled up inside and i am gonna explode at any minute. I'm 41. I have 4 kids, all teens and above. My husband and I were married 2 years when our problems started. We had 3 kids at the time. We separated for a few months. Decided to try and make things work and along came child number 4. A year later and not much had changed, I was still thinking of divorce, when he had an accident. Its been 14 more years now. I have been the Mom and Dad and provider for 14 really really long years of my 18 year marriage. I don't make enough money to support us and am in debt above my head. The daily financial stress alone has driven me half insane. But its the loneliness that really got me. Understanding my husband is unable to be intimate I begged for years for at least conversation. Just acknowledge that I exist! That your kids exist! I had the kids and my job to keep me busy but what I longed for was some one who wanted to actually talk to me instead of telling me what they needed from me. My husband goes in his room and honestly just can't be bothered with us 90% of the time. I make dinner he comes out to get a plate, goes back and eats, comes back out to put his plate in the sink, then back in his room he goes. Although mentally and physically disabled he is capable of interacting with us, he chooses not to. Its very sad for the kids who used to beg for him to spend time with them, watch one of their sports, or just do a dad thing with them. Their want has turned now turned to bitterness towards their Dad. They are to old to believe me when I saw he is sick like when they were little. They understand now that a lot of this is his choice. And I completely understand how they feel. My loneliness has now turned to anger. I'm angry I do all this and he can't be bothered to talk to me. I am Mom and Dad, and the husband and the wife, in my marriage. That's it its just me, doing double duty. I'm angry his family won't help. Yet they judge everything I do as not good enough. I'm angry I have been there for 22 surgeries (alone, no help from his family) and made sure he was taken care of and had the support he needed and he let's them talk bad about the one thing I didn't do. Last year I was diagnosed with cancer. And he didn't care. His only concerns were how would I work? How would I take care of the kids? Take care of the house, the bills, and him? Emotionally I got nothing from him. I have had 3 surgeries in 8 months, recovered with no help from him or his family, my poor kids were burdened with not only him but then me. Now I'm back at work, barely making it through each day because I am so mentally and physically exhausted and I now feel like I can't get a handle on my anger. I still take great care of him, still take great care of the kids, and still take care of every aspect of our lives, but now I just feel angry every single day. I just want to scream that I'm tired. But I don't. I do what is needed and expected of me. I just don't know how much more I can do this.
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Its seems that this is a safe place for honestly sharing how we feel living with a sick spouse. And what I am about to say I would never dare say outloud. But the fact I get to say it on here I am hoping is enough. Because I am at the end of my rope with this situation. Maybe getting this out will help me, or help one of you, or just give me enough releif to get through even just one day feeling a little less like this is all bottled up inside and i am gonna explode at any minute. I'm 41. I have 4 kids, all teens and above. My husband and I were married 2 years when our problems started. We had 3 kids at the time. We separated for a few months. Decided to try and make things work and along came child number 4. A year later and not much had changed, I was still thinking of divorce, when he had an accident. Its been 14 more years now. I have been the Mom and Dad and provider for 14 really really long years of my 18 year marriage. I don't make enough money to support us and am in debt above my head. The daily financial stress alone has driven me half insane. But its the loneliness that really got me. Understanding my husband is unable to be intimate I begged for years for at least conversation. Just acknowledge that I exist! That your kids exist! I had the kids and my job to keep me busy but what I longed for was some one who wanted to actually talk to me instead of telling me what they needed from me. My husband goes in his room and honestly just can't be bothered with us 90% of the time. I make dinner he comes out to get a plate, goes back and eats, comes back out to put his plate in the sink, then back in his room he goes. Although mentally and physically disabled he is capable of interacting with us, he chooses not to. Its very sad for the kids who used to beg for him to spend time with them, watch one of their sports, or just do a dad thing with them. Their want has turned now turned to bitterness towards their Dad. They are to old to believe me when I saw he is sick like when they were little. They understand now that a lot of this is his choice. And I completely understand how they feel. My loneliness has now turned to anger. I'm angry I do all this and he can't be bothered to talk to me. I am Mom and Dad, and the husband and the wife, in my marriage. That's it its just me, doing double duty. I'm angry his family won't help. Yet they judge everything I do as not good enough. I'm angry I have been there for 22 surgeries (alone, no help from his family) and made sure he was taken care of and had the support he needed and he let's them talk bad about the one thing I didn't do. Last year I was diagnosed with cancer. And he didn't care. His only concerns were how would I work? How would I take care of the kids? Take care of the house, the bills, and him? Emotionally I got nothing from him. I have had 3 surgeries in 8 months, recovered with no help from him or his family, my poor kids were burdened with not only him but then me. Now I'm back at work, barely making it through each day because I am so mentally and physically exhausted and I now feel like I can't get a handle on my anger. I still take great care of him, still take great care of the kids, and still take care of every aspect of our lives, but now I just feel angry every single day. I just want to scream that I'm tired. But I don't. I do what is needed and expected of me. I just don't know how much more I can do this.
January 8, 2015 - 7:06pmThis Comment
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