I left my husband 2 years after his stroke. He's telling everyone that I left him because he had a stroke. That isn't true. I was going to leave him before his stroke but didn't move fast enough. I had a place lined up to live, money in the bank, and was ready to go. THEN he had the stroke (due to not taking care of his health, going off his cholesterol meds cold turkey, being alcoholic, refusing to treat sleep apnea, etc. etc.). For the whole 11 years of marriage, he was abusive. You would never know it because he is personally charming. Mostly his abuse happened where no one could see. This poor excuse for a man had anally raped me, shoved me, shot a gun at me. He struck me, intimidated me, committed many acts of sexual assault other than the rape. He called me terrible names, screamed obscenities over everything. His psychological abuse was well thought out and a daily occurrence. He refused to support me financially and demanded money from me for a home I couldn't afford but he wanted. He manipulated me into giving money to him for his kids college educations, which I 'freely' gave in order to keep the peace. He accused me of running up his credit card when I never had one - it was his daughter who did it. In other words, my life was hell for most of the marriage. Only my close friends saw any of his abuse. Because I was still married to this horrible man when he had the stroke, I became his caregiver through that and other illnesses and surgery. Without me he'd have been in a nursing home. He couldn't have had better care than I gave him. I left when he could again take care of himself. People believe his claim that I left him because he had the stroke and is now handicapped. Believe me, I was totally justified in leaving. TOTALLY. I was in fear for my life through the marriage and during the caregiving and still am. He wants to shoot anything and everything and is even more disturbed than he was before. On top of all the abuse I suffered, I now have the added stress of people thinking I'm the bad guy. I was brought up to be so responsible that I still feel guilt over leaving, but if I hadn't, I could be dead today. I'm just saying, don't ever think you know what is going on in a marriage or why a caregiver might have to leave.
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I left my husband 2 years after his stroke. He's telling everyone that I left him because he had a stroke. That isn't true. I was going to leave him before his stroke but didn't move fast enough. I had a place lined up to live, money in the bank, and was ready to go. THEN he had the stroke (due to not taking care of his health, going off his cholesterol meds cold turkey, being alcoholic, refusing to treat sleep apnea, etc. etc.). For the whole 11 years of marriage, he was abusive. You would never know it because he is personally charming. Mostly his abuse happened where no one could see. This poor excuse for a man had anally raped me, shoved me, shot a gun at me. He struck me, intimidated me, committed many acts of sexual assault other than the rape. He called me terrible names, screamed obscenities over everything. His psychological abuse was well thought out and a daily occurrence. He refused to support me financially and demanded money from me for a home I couldn't afford but he wanted. He manipulated me into giving money to him for his kids college educations, which I 'freely' gave in order to keep the peace. He accused me of running up his credit card when I never had one - it was his daughter who did it. In other words, my life was hell for most of the marriage. Only my close friends saw any of his abuse. Because I was still married to this horrible man when he had the stroke, I became his caregiver through that and other illnesses and surgery. Without me he'd have been in a nursing home. He couldn't have had better care than I gave him. I left when he could again take care of himself. People believe his claim that I left him because he had the stroke and is now handicapped. Believe me, I was totally justified in leaving. TOTALLY. I was in fear for my life through the marriage and during the caregiving and still am. He wants to shoot anything and everything and is even more disturbed than he was before. On top of all the abuse I suffered, I now have the added stress of people thinking I'm the bad guy. I was brought up to be so responsible that I still feel guilt over leaving, but if I hadn't, I could be dead today. I'm just saying, don't ever think you know what is going on in a marriage or why a caregiver might have to leave.
April 16, 2015 - 10:07amThis Comment
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