My husband is 54 and has peripheral neuropathy. He's a good man, and an amazing father to our sons, ages 6 and 8. I am 42. However, I have found the last 18 months particularly hard as I've fully grasped the effect his illness has had on my, his and our sons' lives. Sometimes it feels like I live with a verbally abusive person - from a tension and atmosphere point of view, not because he's abusive. He's angry and in constant pain. He slams doors, gates, windows, punches walls, countertops and swears, moans and groans. I battle with the atmosphere in our home. He now assists me in my home based business as he cannot work any longer. So we are together a lot. I have become very isolated from almost all my friendships. We have no sex life, and I can't talk to anyone about that, so I have a mask of normalcy while inside I feel trapped and hopeless. I am young and I feel like my life is over. I feel such devastation for my kids. I am chronically depressed, and attempted suicide 9 months ago. Running away, or dying is always an option in the back of my mind. I really appreciate people who talk about this, I have no one to talk to, and feel very alone and angry and misunderstood. Most of all, I feel guilt and shame for having these feelings towards my husband, whom I made marriage vows to 13 years ago.
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My husband is 54 and has peripheral neuropathy. He's a good man, and an amazing father to our sons, ages 6 and 8. I am 42. However, I have found the last 18 months particularly hard as I've fully grasped the effect his illness has had on my, his and our sons' lives. Sometimes it feels like I live with a verbally abusive person - from a tension and atmosphere point of view, not because he's abusive. He's angry and in constant pain. He slams doors, gates, windows, punches walls, countertops and swears, moans and groans. I battle with the atmosphere in our home. He now assists me in my home based business as he cannot work any longer. So we are together a lot. I have become very isolated from almost all my friendships. We have no sex life, and I can't talk to anyone about that, so I have a mask of normalcy while inside I feel trapped and hopeless. I am young and I feel like my life is over. I feel such devastation for my kids. I am chronically depressed, and attempted suicide 9 months ago. Running away, or dying is always an option in the back of my mind. I really appreciate people who talk about this, I have no one to talk to, and feel very alone and angry and misunderstood. Most of all, I feel guilt and shame for having these feelings towards my husband, whom I made marriage vows to 13 years ago.
May 14, 2015 - 10:24amThis Comment
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