There is so much in your story that resonates with mine, only I'm the sick one in my relationship. I live in that sort of atmosphere but it comes from my husbands anger at me. Maybe deep down there is a belief that I should 'push through' my pain or the effects of my brain stem stroke towards more normalcy. I know he feels robbed, like you do. Its hard to find 'fate' or the randomness of life to look them in the eyes and say "you have ruined my life" so its much easier (yet so much harder) to do that to us. Does your husband know about your suicide attempt? What did you want from that...to leave your children alone with a man who is clearly struggling with grief and anger ans the loss of his own expectations of life? Did you want him to say "hey babe..you are clearly more miserable than I am..feel free to leave"? If you had wanted to die you would have succeeded so clearly you were saying I NEED HELP. I dont know what's available in your country...any respite care? Support groups? Extended family? Don't be a martyr and be silent, find someone to talk to. Maybe don't broadcast your sex life situation but your need for help..yes. Don't think for a minute your husband isn't aware of how you feel and don't think it doesn't make him unhappier, angrier and even more guilt ridden. Neither of you asked for this - hell it could have been you that got sick. How would you feel living with the knowledge your spouse tried to kill themselves because of your health situation?
Life is not a box of fluffies love - time to harden up. Get help but most if all, get back to talking to your husband honestly. You did make a vow - I think this is the reason 'in sickness or in health' is in there.
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There is so much in your story that resonates with mine, only I'm the sick one in my relationship. I live in that sort of atmosphere but it comes from my husbands anger at me. Maybe deep down there is a belief that I should 'push through' my pain or the effects of my brain stem stroke towards more normalcy. I know he feels robbed, like you do. Its hard to find 'fate' or the randomness of life to look them in the eyes and say "you have ruined my life" so its much easier (yet so much harder) to do that to us. Does your husband know about your suicide attempt? What did you want from that...to leave your children alone with a man who is clearly struggling with grief and anger ans the loss of his own expectations of life? Did you want him to say "hey babe..you are clearly more miserable than I am..feel free to leave"? If you had wanted to die you would have succeeded so clearly you were saying I NEED HELP. I dont know what's available in your country...any respite care? Support groups? Extended family? Don't be a martyr and be silent, find someone to talk to. Maybe don't broadcast your sex life situation but your need for help..yes. Don't think for a minute your husband isn't aware of how you feel and don't think it doesn't make him unhappier, angrier and even more guilt ridden. Neither of you asked for this - hell it could have been you that got sick. How would you feel living with the knowledge your spouse tried to kill themselves because of your health situation?
May 14, 2015 - 1:58pmLife is not a box of fluffies love - time to harden up. Get help but most if all, get back to talking to your husband honestly. You did make a vow - I think this is the reason 'in sickness or in health' is in there.
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