I agree with you. My husband has been ill for the past six years and is in need of a kidney transplant. We have been married for over 20 years but I never imagined my life being like it is now. I feel like I have been a caretaker all of my life. My father became ill when I was only 5. He did pretty good up until my teen years when his lung problems grew worse and I had to drive him because my mom did not drive to the hospital at any given time where he may be admitted or may be sent back home. It seems like every time this happened my adrenaline would jump and I would begin to worry if this is it for him. He passed away when I was 21. I do not regret anything I did to help him. Then I had to take care of my mother. Things went well for the first few years but after I married and had my first child she began to show signs of dementia. She was terribly afraid of doctors and would only go to the hospital if she were in really bad pain. Needless to say my role as her caretaker grew more year after year. She fell a few years ago and broke her hip and my only choice was to place her in a nursing home. She had pretty good care there and passed away a few months ago. My husband lost the use of his kidneys five years ago. A family member on his side was tested and was a perfect match but backed out at the last minute. He has slowly been declining and has let his weight creep up so he is not on the transplant list until he can get his weight down. This is not the life I wanted. I never got a choice on where I lived because I had to help care for my father and then my mother. I have always had to check in with someone to let them know where I could be reached just in case someone (my father, my mother, my husband) got sick. I'm tired of going to hospitals. I'm tired of not being able to go on vacation and have fun. As someone else stated I'm in a no win situation. If my husband goes out he gets tired and irritable and everyone sympathizes with him and I'm the bad wife who drug him out when he clearly should be resting. If I go alone he makes me feel guilty for going. We are living paycheck to paycheck and struggle financially. I so miss the short time in my life when I was carefree and actually had fun. My husband tells me that I live in the past but that is the only happiness I have. I see my friends traveling and going out to ballgames and enjoying life and I feel like a stressed out, burned out mess who is on the verge of crying all of the time. I wish there were a support group I could attend where I could just vent and get out some of this crap that's eating me up. This is the first time I have posted online and it really feels good to let some of this out. I know I should be more sympathetic and caring to my husband but I'm just so burned out. To those out there who are sick please don't overlook or take for granted your caretakers. We are simply doing the best we can to try and take care of you while also having to take care of the home, finances, children, jobs and lastly ourselves. Yes, taking care of ourselves is usually last on our list and usually the one that doesn't get done. Thanks for listening.
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I agree with you. My husband has been ill for the past six years and is in need of a kidney transplant. We have been married for over 20 years but I never imagined my life being like it is now. I feel like I have been a caretaker all of my life. My father became ill when I was only 5. He did pretty good up until my teen years when his lung problems grew worse and I had to drive him because my mom did not drive to the hospital at any given time where he may be admitted or may be sent back home. It seems like every time this happened my adrenaline would jump and I would begin to worry if this is it for him. He passed away when I was 21. I do not regret anything I did to help him. Then I had to take care of my mother. Things went well for the first few years but after I married and had my first child she began to show signs of dementia. She was terribly afraid of doctors and would only go to the hospital if she were in really bad pain. Needless to say my role as her caretaker grew more year after year. She fell a few years ago and broke her hip and my only choice was to place her in a nursing home. She had pretty good care there and passed away a few months ago. My husband lost the use of his kidneys five years ago. A family member on his side was tested and was a perfect match but backed out at the last minute. He has slowly been declining and has let his weight creep up so he is not on the transplant list until he can get his weight down. This is not the life I wanted. I never got a choice on where I lived because I had to help care for my father and then my mother. I have always had to check in with someone to let them know where I could be reached just in case someone (my father, my mother, my husband) got sick. I'm tired of going to hospitals. I'm tired of not being able to go on vacation and have fun. As someone else stated I'm in a no win situation. If my husband goes out he gets tired and irritable and everyone sympathizes with him and I'm the bad wife who drug him out when he clearly should be resting. If I go alone he makes me feel guilty for going. We are living paycheck to paycheck and struggle financially. I so miss the short time in my life when I was carefree and actually had fun. My husband tells me that I live in the past but that is the only happiness I have. I see my friends traveling and going out to ballgames and enjoying life and I feel like a stressed out, burned out mess who is on the verge of crying all of the time. I wish there were a support group I could attend where I could just vent and get out some of this crap that's eating me up. This is the first time I have posted online and it really feels good to let some of this out. I know I should be more sympathetic and caring to my husband but I'm just so burned out. To those out there who are sick please don't overlook or take for granted your caretakers. We are simply doing the best we can to try and take care of you while also having to take care of the home, finances, children, jobs and lastly ourselves. Yes, taking care of ourselves is usually last on our list and usually the one that doesn't get done. Thanks for listening.
July 30, 2016 - 7:40pmThis Comment
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