I felt so comfortable with my decision to leave my husband. At 31 I thought I found the love of my life, 20 years later I am recently divorced, basically due to a STROKE. Our relationship wasn't perfect before hand, he was obsessive and demanded a lot of attention, but we did enjoy each other. He also had a codependent relationship with his mother. Six , years ago he became ill with bronchitis and high blood pressure. He was smoking approximately 3 packs a day. Two physicians told him he would leave me a young widow! He didn't make any changes. He wouldn't take high blood pressure medication and continued to smoke. He made his decision despite my pleading for him to make changes. After his stroke he was a different person. He recovered in many ways, but over the years became critical, demanding and not in touch with reality. I applied and received VA benefits for him, so he is independent financially (I am not). Towards the end of our relationship, there were accusations of me having affairs, guilt imposed if I even left the house without him, I couldn't have a phone conversation without him correcting me or interjecting his opinions. I basically lost all outside contacts.
I almost waited too late to leave, feeling that I was on the verge of a nervous break down. I am now in what I consider a new, yet so far stable relationship, but have difficulties accepting that everything is okay. Perhaps that is from some kind of guilt? There are some opposed to the relationship, he is 27 years my junior and we did move in together quickly after I separated. My friend's are concerned that he will hurt me emotionally. One of our friends told him he was a rebound, despite the fact that my marriage has not been a marriage for over 6 years. The marriage had become me as a caregiver to someone who almost daily initiated arguements; sometimes throughout the entire day.
I was warned that there may be guilt later. I do feel sorry for my ex-husband and seem to have a hard time accepting what seems to be the beginning of a stable relationship. The biggest problem is when I am alone at night and my new boyfriend is at work. I begin to question everything. I know I could never go back to my ex-husband despite that being his hope. I always explain to him that the relationship became toxic and codependent. He can't even process what has happened. So my biggest problem is feeling sorry for him. I know I tried everything possible to keep the relationship going for as long as I could without it leading to a complete loss of myself, which I am afraid may have happened. I think the biggest thing I am trying to do is to talk to people who do know me, but they are not available late at night, which led me to look at this site.
I'm not sure that I am offering any advice here, just wanting to share my story.
Please do not wait until things are so toxic that you can seem to accept the positive things that happen in your life.
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I felt so comfortable with my decision to leave my husband. At 31 I thought I found the love of my life, 20 years later I am recently divorced, basically due to a STROKE. Our relationship wasn't perfect before hand, he was obsessive and demanded a lot of attention, but we did enjoy each other. He also had a codependent relationship with his mother. Six , years ago he became ill with bronchitis and high blood pressure. He was smoking approximately 3 packs a day. Two physicians told him he would leave me a young widow! He didn't make any changes. He wouldn't take high blood pressure medication and continued to smoke. He made his decision despite my pleading for him to make changes. After his stroke he was a different person. He recovered in many ways, but over the years became critical, demanding and not in touch with reality. I applied and received VA benefits for him, so he is independent financially (I am not). Towards the end of our relationship, there were accusations of me having affairs, guilt imposed if I even left the house without him, I couldn't have a phone conversation without him correcting me or interjecting his opinions. I basically lost all outside contacts.
November 8, 2016 - 9:18pmI almost waited too late to leave, feeling that I was on the verge of a nervous break down. I am now in what I consider a new, yet so far stable relationship, but have difficulties accepting that everything is okay. Perhaps that is from some kind of guilt? There are some opposed to the relationship, he is 27 years my junior and we did move in together quickly after I separated. My friend's are concerned that he will hurt me emotionally. One of our friends told him he was a rebound, despite the fact that my marriage has not been a marriage for over 6 years. The marriage had become me as a caregiver to someone who almost daily initiated arguements; sometimes throughout the entire day.
I was warned that there may be guilt later. I do feel sorry for my ex-husband and seem to have a hard time accepting what seems to be the beginning of a stable relationship. The biggest problem is when I am alone at night and my new boyfriend is at work. I begin to question everything. I know I could never go back to my ex-husband despite that being his hope. I always explain to him that the relationship became toxic and codependent. He can't even process what has happened. So my biggest problem is feeling sorry for him. I know I tried everything possible to keep the relationship going for as long as I could without it leading to a complete loss of myself, which I am afraid may have happened. I think the biggest thing I am trying to do is to talk to people who do know me, but they are not available late at night, which led me to look at this site.
I'm not sure that I am offering any advice here, just wanting to share my story.
Please do not wait until things are so toxic that you can seem to accept the positive things that happen in your life.
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