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Anon,

I realize why you may not feel so strong after going back. But I disagree. I think that after the trouble you went to to leave, it was probably very hard for you to go back once again, to resurrect hope again, and to go against what you had already told friends and family.

I think that this will also happen: As you read, you are changing. And as you change, you are no longer accepting the behaviors of the past. So if and when your husband begins to return to old habits, you'll call him on it. They will not be able to get to the level they had in the past. And that will change the dynamics of the whole situation.

There is another book, The Dance of Anger, that is very good. The jist of it is that there has to be two people in any sort of dance, whether that "dance" is healthy or unhealthy. If one person stops dancing, the behavior of the other person must change. And, generally, the other person doesn't like it. It is uncomfortable. And they will try to draw you back into the dance.

You, however, are creating a new dance for yourself. A life in which you are treated with respoect and you raise your son with respect. So this is what you are starting to make happen. And if it doesn't, you will do what is right for you and for your son.

Thanks so much for updating us and for the great list of books. I know that CoDependent No More changed my life, and the Boundaries book made a huge difference in my sister's life. I also really love "The Type E Woman -- How to Overcome the Stress of Being Everything to Everybody," by Harriet B Braiker.

I look forward to your next update. No matter what happens, I know you're going to be well.