Finding this site was a Godsend. My husband was diagnosed with diabetes several months before we were married nearly 12 years ago. At the time I had absolutely no idea of what to expect from this disease - it was my understanding that it was a condition that could be controlled with diet and exercise. I was wrong. I held my husband nightly as he wept from the pain of neuropathy; I'd clean and comfort him when he'd lose control of his bowels after eating the wrong thing; I was always by his side - all the trips to the hospital for foot ulcers and eventually a partial amputation; than the diagnosis of Sarcoidosis, Congetive Heart Failure and most recently, a finding of Castleman's Disease. I felt as if I've been to hell and back with him - but it was okay, because I loved him so much, in the beginning.
Now I can barely stand to look at him - he's hurt my feelings to the point where I'm numb. He's so controlling, demanding yet completely indifferent to me as anything other than the mother of our son and a financial contributor to the household. He says the most demeaning and hateful things to me about our marriage and my abilities as a mother and wife. He'll come home and brag about how good his female co-workers look, yet he refuses to acknowledge any positive gains I've made (earning my MSW, losing 60lbs, starting a new career). I feel so cheated, so isolated and so alone. I crave intimacy, genuine concern and companionship. I need for my son to have a positive role model - instead of the dictator my husband has become. I feel so conflicted about my next step. On one hand I feel that by staying, I'm reinforcing his behavior and yet, I can still hear my mother's voice in my ear telling me, "Never kick someone when they're down."
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Finding this site was a Godsend. My husband was diagnosed with diabetes several months before we were married nearly 12 years ago. At the time I had absolutely no idea of what to expect from this disease - it was my understanding that it was a condition that could be controlled with diet and exercise. I was wrong. I held my husband nightly as he wept from the pain of neuropathy; I'd clean and comfort him when he'd lose control of his bowels after eating the wrong thing; I was always by his side - all the trips to the hospital for foot ulcers and eventually a partial amputation; than the diagnosis of Sarcoidosis, Congetive Heart Failure and most recently, a finding of Castleman's Disease. I felt as if I've been to hell and back with him - but it was okay, because I loved him so much, in the beginning.
January 1, 2010 - 6:13pmNow I can barely stand to look at him - he's hurt my feelings to the point where I'm numb. He's so controlling, demanding yet completely indifferent to me as anything other than the mother of our son and a financial contributor to the household. He says the most demeaning and hateful things to me about our marriage and my abilities as a mother and wife. He'll come home and brag about how good his female co-workers look, yet he refuses to acknowledge any positive gains I've made (earning my MSW, losing 60lbs, starting a new career). I feel so cheated, so isolated and so alone. I crave intimacy, genuine concern and companionship. I need for my son to have a positive role model - instead of the dictator my husband has become. I feel so conflicted about my next step. On one hand I feel that by staying, I'm reinforcing his behavior and yet, I can still hear my mother's voice in my ear telling me, "Never kick someone when they're down."
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