I'm not sure if this thread is still active but I wanted to tell my story.
I am 59 years old and married for over 35 years. MY husband has progressive MS dx in 2000) and I left him three months ago.
Why did I leave?
For most of our marriage my husband was verbally and sometimes physically abusive. I left him because of this early in the marriage, but I was young, afraid and unsure of myself, so I went back when he said things would be better. Unfortunately they got worse.
In our early thirties he stopped wanting to be intimate with me. The verbal abuse and passive-agressive behaviour continued. I stayed because I loved my husband and wanted to uphold my vows. I remember asking God to change him. He never wanted children so we had none -- besides you have to have sex to have children. I think that throughout my thirties and forties I lived in denial about the problems in my marriage. And he refused to discuss anything.
WHen he was dx with MS in 2000 I remember saying to God that I would do my duty and stay the course. But over time he did some horrible things - one of which resulted in my having to call the police on him. I left again in 2005 for my own safety -- but went back again six months later because I felt guilty about his MS.
For the past five years we've lived like distant roommates. He refuses to do things that would make his ( and m ine) life better - like get a wheelchair or hand controls for the car and doesn't seem to care that I am burned out from doing everything and being hypervigilant about his MS. He's had a couple of bladder infections and some minor falls, walks with two canes around the house but can no longer walk outside ( uses a scooter). If I cry or break down he gets angry (as he always has) , leaves the room and tells me I should leave. He says he can't stand my depression and needs someone "cheerful." He is not cogntively affected by his MS, and manages investments for his friends. He just is and always has been emotionally cold.
I finally couldn't live like this anymore. I wanted to feel loved and have some peace before I died. I was clincically depressed and suicidal. Leaving was a bid for survival.
It's been three months and my husband has not attempted to contact me. I can only assume that this is what he wanted to. I believe he was tired of me, my depression and what he views as my failure as a wife.
We both worked good jobs and saved our money, so he will have plenty in a divorce. I feel sadm guilty and cry every day, but going back is not an option for me. I think I would die before him.
This is not a life I would wish on anyone. I still care about my husband and love him despite the years of abuse and emotional neglect. I realize he was damaged somehow long before I met him. He did not have a calling to marriage and never should have married me.
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I'm not sure if this thread is still active but I wanted to tell my story.
I am 59 years old and married for over 35 years. MY husband has progressive MS dx in 2000) and I left him three months ago.
Why did I leave?
For most of our marriage my husband was verbally and sometimes physically abusive. I left him because of this early in the marriage, but I was young, afraid and unsure of myself, so I went back when he said things would be better. Unfortunately they got worse.
In our early thirties he stopped wanting to be intimate with me. The verbal abuse and passive-agressive behaviour continued. I stayed because I loved my husband and wanted to uphold my vows. I remember asking God to change him. He never wanted children so we had none -- besides you have to have sex to have children. I think that throughout my thirties and forties I lived in denial about the problems in my marriage. And he refused to discuss anything.
WHen he was dx with MS in 2000 I remember saying to God that I would do my duty and stay the course. But over time he did some horrible things - one of which resulted in my having to call the police on him. I left again in 2005 for my own safety -- but went back again six months later because I felt guilty about his MS.
For the past five years we've lived like distant roommates. He refuses to do things that would make his ( and m ine) life better - like get a wheelchair or hand controls for the car and doesn't seem to care that I am burned out from doing everything and being hypervigilant about his MS. He's had a couple of bladder infections and some minor falls, walks with two canes around the house but can no longer walk outside ( uses a scooter). If I cry or break down he gets angry (as he always has) , leaves the room and tells me I should leave. He says he can't stand my depression and needs someone "cheerful." He is not cogntively affected by his MS, and manages investments for his friends. He just is and always has been emotionally cold.
I finally couldn't live like this anymore. I wanted to feel loved and have some peace before I died. I was clincically depressed and suicidal. Leaving was a bid for survival.
It's been three months and my husband has not attempted to contact me. I can only assume that this is what he wanted to. I believe he was tired of me, my depression and what he views as my failure as a wife.
We both worked good jobs and saved our money, so he will have plenty in a divorce. I feel sadm guilty and cry every day, but going back is not an option for me. I think I would die before him.
This is not a life I would wish on anyone. I still care about my husband and love him despite the years of abuse and emotional neglect. I realize he was damaged somehow long before I met him. He did not have a calling to marriage and never should have married me.
I just want others to know my story.
August 26, 2010 - 4:01pmThis Comment
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