Hello all,
I found this thread through some googling. Firstly I want to say what a complete eye opener reading these stories it has been. I would welcome any wisdom (im still following some of your links) and advice. Our family's story is somewhat different, but shares many common features as the ones told here ;
I come here as a very concerned brother and uncle..because our family is in shock. My sister is in crisis because she has hit rock bottom and has announced that she cannot stay in her marriage. Her husband was diagnosed with MS early on in their marriage and she has struggled so hard to become a qualified professional nurse and the breadwinner, as his progressive illness has made him virtually unable to contribute financially and now he is wheelchair bound. They have two lovely young children under 12 and I am worried sick for them and for everyone involved. My brother in law is a gentle man and adores his children but in her grief at the effective loss of her husband to this disease (he has become 'absent', distant and no doubt very depressed himself), and frustration of hardly seeing her children grow up ..she is unable to contain her anger and grief and has now demanded that he leave their home asap. He can barely walk.
I live 1000 miles away and am struggling to make my own living, and the only support they have is my widowed Mum who has worked incredibly hard to help them - even financially (they just moved into a new home to meet their needs).
His whole family lives in another country, he has almost no support apart from our side of the family. My sister saw her GP who immediately referred her to a psychologist. She has only had one treatment and my mum and I have tried to get her to stay calm and think logically, but because she is a nurse she is given to self-diagnosis ('they just validate my feelings') and is insistent she cannot even bare to be in the house with him and has even started going out all night presumably to drown her sorrows with strangers. I also think she is in denial that forcing these cruel ultimatums will not affect her children who have enjoyed such security and love.
I understand, especially from reading all your comments, how incredibly deep my sisters pain must be to be feeling so empty and low...to see the life and love she dreamed of fade away so cruelly but how can we help her from making even worse decisions when she is too depressed to make good ones even now? She says she loves him but is not in love with him. My heart is breaking for them both and we are not sure how we can help them make good choices and protect their children. He is trying hard to keep things relatively normal for them, but my sisters anger and pain is close to the surface and no doubt the kids feel something is very wrong. We do not expect her to live in that pain forever, but she is doing and saying very cruel things to him that, to my mind, will only make things worse for her and the kids. She is in such pain she doesn't seem to care. She sounds so angry when she tells me 'nobody understands how I feel' and that we should 'not judge her'. She goes from sounding cool and calm to defensive and cold.
I apologize if any of that sounds jumbled, but I'm so very worried for this young family in crisis.
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Hello all,
I found this thread through some googling. Firstly I want to say what a complete eye opener reading these stories it has been. I would welcome any wisdom (im still following some of your links) and advice. Our family's story is somewhat different, but shares many common features as the ones told here ;
I come here as a very concerned brother and uncle..because our family is in shock. My sister is in crisis because she has hit rock bottom and has announced that she cannot stay in her marriage. Her husband was diagnosed with MS early on in their marriage and she has struggled so hard to become a qualified professional nurse and the breadwinner, as his progressive illness has made him virtually unable to contribute financially and now he is wheelchair bound. They have two lovely young children under 12 and I am worried sick for them and for everyone involved. My brother in law is a gentle man and adores his children but in her grief at the effective loss of her husband to this disease (he has become 'absent', distant and no doubt very depressed himself), and frustration of hardly seeing her children grow up ..she is unable to contain her anger and grief and has now demanded that he leave their home asap. He can barely walk.
I live 1000 miles away and am struggling to make my own living, and the only support they have is my widowed Mum who has worked incredibly hard to help them - even financially (they just moved into a new home to meet their needs).
His whole family lives in another country, he has almost no support apart from our side of the family. My sister saw her GP who immediately referred her to a psychologist. She has only had one treatment and my mum and I have tried to get her to stay calm and think logically, but because she is a nurse she is given to self-diagnosis ('they just validate my feelings') and is insistent she cannot even bare to be in the house with him and has even started going out all night presumably to drown her sorrows with strangers. I also think she is in denial that forcing these cruel ultimatums will not affect her children who have enjoyed such security and love.
I understand, especially from reading all your comments, how incredibly deep my sisters pain must be to be feeling so empty and low...to see the life and love she dreamed of fade away so cruelly but how can we help her from making even worse decisions when she is too depressed to make good ones even now? She says she loves him but is not in love with him. My heart is breaking for them both and we are not sure how we can help them make good choices and protect their children. He is trying hard to keep things relatively normal for them, but my sisters anger and pain is close to the surface and no doubt the kids feel something is very wrong. We do not expect her to live in that pain forever, but she is doing and saying very cruel things to him that, to my mind, will only make things worse for her and the kids. She is in such pain she doesn't seem to care. She sounds so angry when she tells me 'nobody understands how I feel' and that we should 'not judge her'. She goes from sounding cool and calm to defensive and cold.
I apologize if any of that sounds jumbled, but I'm so very worried for this young family in crisis.
August 31, 2010 - 7:49amThis Comment
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