Thank you for writing - the fact that you are taking some time to google for information out there is so wonderful. While your sister may not realize your willingness to help right now or even your interest in their situation, it will count eventually.
I am very close to being in your sister's situation, although I have not reached my threshold as you have described.
I believe that the most important thing you can do is to be supportive and a listening ear to your sister. She is in pain also. At a minimum, she is going to need time and maybe even time away from her spouse to find herself and her sanity. If you appear to judge or direct her, she will likely shut you out. Your foremost concern, is your sister and the children. You can care for her husband as well, but you need to do that separately and find out if he potentially has his own support. I don't know that there is anything you can do from a distance but to be a healthy support network. These situations are not fixable. We just all continue to find a place to survive and adjust. Your role may very well be the loving supportive brother or it may very well be the loving supportive Uncle. I doubt you will find any success in being the brother/marriage counselor.
I say all this with so much respect. I have so many people looking over my shoulder and wanting to offer advice or what they think or what they would do. At times, I listen and at times it makes me want to vomit - there is no possible way they can understand my feelings, my mourning, my anger, my love, my lost love, my commitment, etc. The ones I continue to listen to the most are the ones who listen the most and say the least. For me..., that is helpful. I dont' know if this is helpful to you or not... but I wish you the best of luck. I wish your sister and her family the best of luck as well.
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Aug 31 Anon,
Thank you for writing - the fact that you are taking some time to google for information out there is so wonderful. While your sister may not realize your willingness to help right now or even your interest in their situation, it will count eventually.
I am very close to being in your sister's situation, although I have not reached my threshold as you have described.
I believe that the most important thing you can do is to be supportive and a listening ear to your sister. She is in pain also. At a minimum, she is going to need time and maybe even time away from her spouse to find herself and her sanity. If you appear to judge or direct her, she will likely shut you out. Your foremost concern, is your sister and the children. You can care for her husband as well, but you need to do that separately and find out if he potentially has his own support. I don't know that there is anything you can do from a distance but to be a healthy support network. These situations are not fixable. We just all continue to find a place to survive and adjust. Your role may very well be the loving supportive brother or it may very well be the loving supportive Uncle. I doubt you will find any success in being the brother/marriage counselor.
I say all this with so much respect. I have so many people looking over my shoulder and wanting to offer advice or what they think or what they would do. At times, I listen and at times it makes me want to vomit - there is no possible way they can understand my feelings, my mourning, my anger, my love, my lost love, my commitment, etc. The ones I continue to listen to the most are the ones who listen the most and say the least. For me..., that is helpful. I dont' know if this is helpful to you or not... but I wish you the best of luck. I wish your sister and her family the best of luck as well.
August 31, 2010 - 11:21pmThis Comment
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