Thanks for your reply Christine and no doubt everything you mentioned in your reply, I have been enduring. I am living in California right now. I have thought about my rights in a legal manner but what would that do, when the ill spouse herself wants nothing to do with me and instead obey her mother? She doesn't care nor realize about the damage done to our relationship as she obviously cannot see beyond her controlling, manipulative mother. I am a member of wellspouse.org and they too have provided me with a lot of invaluable support and advice. See my post in the forums under 'Separate Lives' in the wellspouse.org forum. Lastly, what do I do now? I have been to counseling and psychotherapy but the ultimate question remains with me.....do I want closure and move on, or do you want back into her life? The soul searching I have done the past few months show that I need closure and that I need to move on. For the past five years, we had a great relationship and were ready to start our own family. This is really our first downturn and I think in all marriages, the real love and real test of any marriage comes with the BIG NEGATIVE events. If we can weather this delivered by God, Buddha, or whomever you believe, no doubt you are ready for ANYTHING in your life. The fact that I, as a husband have been deprived of this healing process with my wife in this episode shows that I WILL NEVER know what future adversity we can weather going forward. Not that I am ALWAYS looking for negative events in any relationship, but I don't want to be in a one way relationship or marriage only when times are good. This example shows me that I am only a husband when times are good, and when times are bad, my partner and best friend would rather depend on her mother and family to get through this. That I do not want nor need in my life going forward. I guess no one really understands my 'western' perspective, according to her friends and family but I think it shows strong commitment, integrity and character, principles that I hold dear in my life.
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Thanks for your reply Christine and no doubt everything you mentioned in your reply, I have been enduring. I am living in California right now. I have thought about my rights in a legal manner but what would that do, when the ill spouse herself wants nothing to do with me and instead obey her mother? She doesn't care nor realize about the damage done to our relationship as she obviously cannot see beyond her controlling, manipulative mother. I am a member of wellspouse.org and they too have provided me with a lot of invaluable support and advice. See my post in the forums under 'Separate Lives' in the wellspouse.org forum. Lastly, what do I do now? I have been to counseling and psychotherapy but the ultimate question remains with me.....do I want closure and move on, or do you want back into her life? The soul searching I have done the past few months show that I need closure and that I need to move on. For the past five years, we had a great relationship and were ready to start our own family. This is really our first downturn and I think in all marriages, the real love and real test of any marriage comes with the BIG NEGATIVE events. If we can weather this delivered by God, Buddha, or whomever you believe, no doubt you are ready for ANYTHING in your life. The fact that I, as a husband have been deprived of this healing process with my wife in this episode shows that I WILL NEVER know what future adversity we can weather going forward. Not that I am ALWAYS looking for negative events in any relationship, but I don't want to be in a one way relationship or marriage only when times are good. This example shows me that I am only a husband when times are good, and when times are bad, my partner and best friend would rather depend on her mother and family to get through this. That I do not want nor need in my life going forward. I guess no one really understands my 'western' perspective, according to her friends and family but I think it shows strong commitment, integrity and character, principles that I hold dear in my life.
September 6, 2010 - 5:37pmThis Comment
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