Boston, it's actually very common. There are many women who are not as in tune with their bodies as you are and do not have orgasms at all. For women, orgasm is both a physical and mental thing -- we really have to be in the moment, and I have found that trying too hard actually works in reverse. Also, your ability to orgasm can sometimes depend on what part of your cycle you are in.
Mandy and Virginia gave you great advice. I would add to be patient with yourself. You're in fairly new territory here, and there's a lot going on. You are focusing on your limited experience with your boyfriend and believing that it might be like that all your life. You're spinning this forward and feeling badly about it instead of relaxing and understanding that anything new takes time.
It's fine and normal to have sex and sometimes not climax, for either partner. That's why it's so important to see the entire lovemaking experience as important, like Virginia said. If you focus only on "success" or "failure," you may not see how sweet a time this is with your boyfriend, and how lovely intimacy is with someone you love.
Here's an article about women and orgasm that will help you see what a common experience it is:
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Boston, it's actually very common. There are many women who are not as in tune with their bodies as you are and do not have orgasms at all. For women, orgasm is both a physical and mental thing -- we really have to be in the moment, and I have found that trying too hard actually works in reverse. Also, your ability to orgasm can sometimes depend on what part of your cycle you are in.
Mandy and Virginia gave you great advice. I would add to be patient with yourself. You're in fairly new territory here, and there's a lot going on. You are focusing on your limited experience with your boyfriend and believing that it might be like that all your life. You're spinning this forward and feeling badly about it instead of relaxing and understanding that anything new takes time.
It's fine and normal to have sex and sometimes not climax, for either partner. That's why it's so important to see the entire lovemaking experience as important, like Virginia said. If you focus only on "success" or "failure," you may not see how sweet a time this is with your boyfriend, and how lovely intimacy is with someone you love.
Here's an article about women and orgasm that will help you see what a common experience it is:
http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/sex_relationships/facts/orgasmtrouble.htm
Take care, and be patient. And be sure to always practice safe sex, yes?
January 28, 2009 - 9:53amThis Comment
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