I'm glad to read your last paragraph--you aren't asking us to tell you what to do, just tell you why we made the choices we did for ourselves.
I have a 3 year old son, have been married to a man (his father!) for 6 years, and am in my mid-30s. Interesting, we have a lot in common. I also became pregnant in high school (I was 16), and decided to have an abortion. I have also never regretted this decision, as I was absolutely not ready to have a child, to carry a baby to full term. The then-boyfriend was a wreck, emotionally abusive...just an awful situation.
I'm wondering why you are in therapy, though, if you really are OK with that decision? I've been to couple's therapy during a rough transition in our lives, and never once brought up the abortion. It's just not a part of my life, to be truthful.
Beyond that, I also did not ever have the "biological clock" ticking. I'm not sure what this would feel like, but I've heard it is strong in women. I was always so focused on my career, education that I never felt old enough to have a child! I still feel like a child myself, sometimes!
However, the difference is: I always knew I wanted a life with kids. I could not envision my future life without it being a family. I had a wonderful childhood, very supportive parents, love my sister...could not imagine a life without this. I pretty much decided that "it's now or never" to have a child three years ago, because I wasn't "feeling it" biologically.
Now that we have our son, I have never been happier. My days are fuller, richer; most of the time I can not wipe the smile off my face! He is hilarious, and there are very few days that pass when I do not laugh. Before I had a child, I was happy and carefree, but don't remember laughing like I do.
It has changed my life in every way, and I welcomed it. I did go through a very rough transition period; making new friends, finding another identity, etc. Similar to other transitions in my life: high school to college; college to first professional job.
So, I am now faced with wanting a second child. Actually, I want my son to have a sibling. Isn't that funny? Still no "biological clock", but I do smile when I see babies (I used to strongly dislike babies, toddlers, etc..thought they were messy and kind of gross. HA! Now, I have playgroups with 10 other kids and love them all to pieces). My husband laughs because I even volunteer to babysit---something he never thought he's see!
I thought we'd be financially broke, but we are actually smarter with our money now, and have more discretionary income! When we were sans kid, we went out to eat, bought whatever clothes or latte we wanted. Now, we budget for the things we really want, and never seem to go "without". The first three months, I went without sleep, but now we all sleep through the night. Toddlers even sleep 2-3 hours in the afternoon...it's great!
I bought at least a dozen books on "why to have kids" or "how to know if you should have kids", and I can not recommend one of them to you. For me, it was just looking at what I wanted my future to be. I wanted to travel (which is fun with a child; just different); I wanted my parents to be grandparents. I wanted holidays to be more special; I wanted every day to be more special!
And...of course, there are the bad days that do happen on a weekly basis. I've actually found it challenging to learn about toddlers and babies (was never around them), and it's interesting to learn what they are going through in their development...it explains their behavior and helps me to cope with the bad moods. We have a very easy-going toddler, so not many tantrums or anything.
I could go on an on... feel free to ask me any questions!
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I'm glad to read your last paragraph--you aren't asking us to tell you what to do, just tell you why we made the choices we did for ourselves.
I have a 3 year old son, have been married to a man (his father!) for 6 years, and am in my mid-30s. Interesting, we have a lot in common. I also became pregnant in high school (I was 16), and decided to have an abortion. I have also never regretted this decision, as I was absolutely not ready to have a child, to carry a baby to full term. The then-boyfriend was a wreck, emotionally abusive...just an awful situation.
I'm wondering why you are in therapy, though, if you really are OK with that decision? I've been to couple's therapy during a rough transition in our lives, and never once brought up the abortion. It's just not a part of my life, to be truthful.
Beyond that, I also did not ever have the "biological clock" ticking. I'm not sure what this would feel like, but I've heard it is strong in women. I was always so focused on my career, education that I never felt old enough to have a child! I still feel like a child myself, sometimes!
However, the difference is: I always knew I wanted a life with kids. I could not envision my future life without it being a family. I had a wonderful childhood, very supportive parents, love my sister...could not imagine a life without this. I pretty much decided that "it's now or never" to have a child three years ago, because I wasn't "feeling it" biologically.
Now that we have our son, I have never been happier. My days are fuller, richer; most of the time I can not wipe the smile off my face! He is hilarious, and there are very few days that pass when I do not laugh. Before I had a child, I was happy and carefree, but don't remember laughing like I do.
It has changed my life in every way, and I welcomed it. I did go through a very rough transition period; making new friends, finding another identity, etc. Similar to other transitions in my life: high school to college; college to first professional job.
So, I am now faced with wanting a second child. Actually, I want my son to have a sibling. Isn't that funny? Still no "biological clock", but I do smile when I see babies (I used to strongly dislike babies, toddlers, etc..thought they were messy and kind of gross. HA! Now, I have playgroups with 10 other kids and love them all to pieces). My husband laughs because I even volunteer to babysit---something he never thought he's see!
I thought we'd be financially broke, but we are actually smarter with our money now, and have more discretionary income! When we were sans kid, we went out to eat, bought whatever clothes or latte we wanted. Now, we budget for the things we really want, and never seem to go "without". The first three months, I went without sleep, but now we all sleep through the night. Toddlers even sleep 2-3 hours in the afternoon...it's great!
I bought at least a dozen books on "why to have kids" or "how to know if you should have kids", and I can not recommend one of them to you. For me, it was just looking at what I wanted my future to be. I wanted to travel (which is fun with a child; just different); I wanted my parents to be grandparents. I wanted holidays to be more special; I wanted every day to be more special!
And...of course, there are the bad days that do happen on a weekly basis. I've actually found it challenging to learn about toddlers and babies (was never around them), and it's interesting to learn what they are going through in their development...it explains their behavior and helps me to cope with the bad moods. We have a very easy-going toddler, so not many tantrums or anything.
I could go on an on... feel free to ask me any questions!
Does your husband want kids?
January 27, 2009 - 2:44pmThis Comment
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