I'm actually aware that I don't see myself "correctly" in the mirror, meaning I don't actually see what's there. It's a visual perception / mental issue, I think. I was incredibly thin during my 20s -- at 5-10, sometimes I was 125-130 pounds, just because I was very very active and I ate very healthfully. I ran, I played racquetball, went out dancing with friends, etc. It was just activity all the time, and my lean body became my standard for what I was at "my best."
I still remember, on my wedding day at 31, realizing at 140 that I felt "fat." Keep in mind that for 5-10, this is still thin. But I was 10 pounds over what I felt my "best" weight was, and therefore I must be fat.
I still, to this day, don't see myself right in the mirror at home. My mind exaggerates how "bad" I look and I end up cringing. But what's weird is that when I accidentally catch a reflection of myself in a store mirror or a windowfront, the me I see there is different than the me I see at home. I see the whole, then, and I don't zoom in on the more troublesome parts. And I find myself saying wow, that's not so bad after all.
I do need to lose weight, and I am working on it. But I will be happier at a healthy weight for my height and I'll concentrate on how my clothes fit and how I feel rather than how my body looks in the mirror, because I'm not sure I ever see myself "correctly."
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I'm actually aware that I don't see myself "correctly" in the mirror, meaning I don't actually see what's there. It's a visual perception / mental issue, I think. I was incredibly thin during my 20s -- at 5-10, sometimes I was 125-130 pounds, just because I was very very active and I ate very healthfully. I ran, I played racquetball, went out dancing with friends, etc. It was just activity all the time, and my lean body became my standard for what I was at "my best."
I still remember, on my wedding day at 31, realizing at 140 that I felt "fat." Keep in mind that for 5-10, this is still thin. But I was 10 pounds over what I felt my "best" weight was, and therefore I must be fat.
I still, to this day, don't see myself right in the mirror at home. My mind exaggerates how "bad" I look and I end up cringing. But what's weird is that when I accidentally catch a reflection of myself in a store mirror or a windowfront, the me I see there is different than the me I see at home. I see the whole, then, and I don't zoom in on the more troublesome parts. And I find myself saying wow, that's not so bad after all.
I do need to lose weight, and I am working on it. But I will be happier at a healthy weight for my height and I'll concentrate on how my clothes fit and how I feel rather than how my body looks in the mirror, because I'm not sure I ever see myself "correctly."
February 12, 2009 - 9:02amThis Comment
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