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I know it was not my fault and I have never blamed anyone not my mom my sister no one yes I am 21 and he is 22 and no this is not my first long relationship I have had two others witch was one for like a year and one for like 2 years but this is the longest He is still alive he is in jail he gets out april 26, 2012 or 2013 I think but he will never be around my kids but I had him put in jail he took a ple so he only got 8years I belive but if it would have been up to me we would have went to court and he would have lived his life in there but my mom said we were not strong enofe so we gave a ple I never really thoght I had a problem really till here resently over this whole porn thing but I now know I had a lot of problems I will list all of the things from you post that I do have a problem with or have had a problem with

1. Damaged goods: Low self-esteem, depression, self-destructiveness (suicide and self-mutilation), constant search for approval and nurturance.

2. Betrayal: Impaired ability to trust

3. Helplessness: Anxiety, fear, panic attacks.

4. Isolation: lack of supports, poor peer relations.

-fear of sleeping alone, nightmares, night terrors
-Poor body image, poor self-image in general
-Wearing excessive clothing
-Addictions, compulsive behaviors, obsessions
-Self-abuse, skin-carving (also addictive),
-Suicidality
-panic attacks
-Difficulties with anger/rage
-shutdown under stress
-Issues with trust
-abandonment
-Feeling crazy, different, marked

thank you for all your help you know talking about it really helps I just cant talk to anyone really about it I would go try counseling again but I cant do it right now we only have one car that is real big I have not drove much couse we got together when I was just learning how to drive so I ended up just letting him drive all the time so till we get a smaller car I do think that will be soon but I would not mind just talking to you right now but I live in Sevier Co ,TN