I'm so sorry that you're dealing with this. Addictions can hurt every part of a person's life -- their relationships especially.
Now, you have to decide what to do for yourself. The choice seems clear. You have to decide whether you will live with your husband's addiction or not. I'm sorry to be so blunt, but this is what you need to think about.
You can see now that there isn't anything YOU personally can do to curb his addiction. Only he can do it, if he chooses to get help. If he won't get help, it's not going to go away. It's just going to make you feel worse and worse -- about yourself, about your situation, and about your marriage.
Do you want to live with this forever?
I know the answer is no. So let's move on to the next question:
Will he get help?
If the answer to that is yes, then it needs to happen soon, and you need to see improvement. And he needs to be in charge of his own recovery -- in other words, he needs to find a counselor on his own and commit to seeing that counselor for as long as it takes.
If the answer to this is no, then the ball is in your court. Sadly, the only two things you can do is (a) stay or (b) leave. We already know you don't want to live this way. So you need to start planning how you could leave. Do you have any money? Can you save some over time? Do you have a job, even parttime? Could you stay with family or friends?
Sometimes it's only the possibility of losing everything that makes an addict seek help. But in order for that to have a chance of happening, you have to mean what you say.
You have to decide, Anon. It's all up to you, now. Please write back and let us know what you're thinking, and if we can be of any help.
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Anon,
I'm so sorry that you're dealing with this. Addictions can hurt every part of a person's life -- their relationships especially.
Now, you have to decide what to do for yourself. The choice seems clear. You have to decide whether you will live with your husband's addiction or not. I'm sorry to be so blunt, but this is what you need to think about.
You can see now that there isn't anything YOU personally can do to curb his addiction. Only he can do it, if he chooses to get help. If he won't get help, it's not going to go away. It's just going to make you feel worse and worse -- about yourself, about your situation, and about your marriage.
Do you want to live with this forever?
I know the answer is no. So let's move on to the next question:
Will he get help?
If the answer to that is yes, then it needs to happen soon, and you need to see improvement. And he needs to be in charge of his own recovery -- in other words, he needs to find a counselor on his own and commit to seeing that counselor for as long as it takes.
If the answer to this is no, then the ball is in your court. Sadly, the only two things you can do is (a) stay or (b) leave. We already know you don't want to live this way. So you need to start planning how you could leave. Do you have any money? Can you save some over time? Do you have a job, even parttime? Could you stay with family or friends?
Sometimes it's only the possibility of losing everything that makes an addict seek help. But in order for that to have a chance of happening, you have to mean what you say.
You have to decide, Anon. It's all up to you, now. Please write back and let us know what you're thinking, and if we can be of any help.
January 4, 2010 - 9:12amThis Comment
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