Why have you both asked each other not to masturbate in each other's absence? (or, was this your idea and he agreed to it?). Sounds very extreme and controlling to me, and not the stuff that healthy relationships are made of.
Masturbation and porn use/porn addiction have nothing to do with each other. Masturbation can be a part of a healthy expression of sexuality. Porn addiction, by definition, is not part of a healthy expression of sexuality. Porn use is debatable. There is a wide spectrum of behaviors that fall under the category of "sexual"; everything from dreams, hand-holding, kissing, cuddling, communicating, masturbating, being curious, intercourse, playing with toys in sexual ways, touching oneself without climax, watching R rated movies, watching XXX rated movies, reading romance novels...on and on and on...
Are there other trust issues in this relationship? Why are you using masturbation as the litmus test for trust? Asking a man not to masturbate to prove that he is trustworthy is like asking a man not to have a wet dream or have an erection upon waking in the morning. Does he need to ask your permission to do other things in the relationship as well? Why do you feel the need for him to express his sexuality in ways that ONLY involve you? People are sexual in nature; it does not mean they act on every sexual thought or impulse, but controlling the who, what, where, when of every aspect of another person's sexual expression will never result in a trusting relationship. What if he has a sexual dream about another woman; would that make you feel even more insecure in the relationship? What if he goes out to dinner with another friend who is female; would that make you feel more insecure in the relationship? You've gotta trust this guy, trust yourself, or let him go, I'm sorry to say!
Lastly, why have you decided not to masturbate yourself? This is a healthy part of a woman's sexuality to, and helps to understand her body. Women or men masturbating do not take the place of desire for another person; I can send you some studies from the Kinsey Institute on this (it's an old wive's tale, made to be guilt-producing!). Masturbation can actually have the opposite effect; it helps a person be more confident when the time comes to be with another person, as well as many other helpful reasons.
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Heidi,
Why have you both asked each other not to masturbate in each other's absence? (or, was this your idea and he agreed to it?). Sounds very extreme and controlling to me, and not the stuff that healthy relationships are made of.
Masturbation and porn use/porn addiction have nothing to do with each other. Masturbation can be a part of a healthy expression of sexuality. Porn addiction, by definition, is not part of a healthy expression of sexuality. Porn use is debatable. There is a wide spectrum of behaviors that fall under the category of "sexual"; everything from dreams, hand-holding, kissing, cuddling, communicating, masturbating, being curious, intercourse, playing with toys in sexual ways, touching oneself without climax, watching R rated movies, watching XXX rated movies, reading romance novels...on and on and on...
Are there other trust issues in this relationship? Why are you using masturbation as the litmus test for trust? Asking a man not to masturbate to prove that he is trustworthy is like asking a man not to have a wet dream or have an erection upon waking in the morning. Does he need to ask your permission to do other things in the relationship as well? Why do you feel the need for him to express his sexuality in ways that ONLY involve you? People are sexual in nature; it does not mean they act on every sexual thought or impulse, but controlling the who, what, where, when of every aspect of another person's sexual expression will never result in a trusting relationship. What if he has a sexual dream about another woman; would that make you feel even more insecure in the relationship? What if he goes out to dinner with another friend who is female; would that make you feel more insecure in the relationship? You've gotta trust this guy, trust yourself, or let him go, I'm sorry to say!
Lastly, why have you decided not to masturbate yourself? This is a healthy part of a woman's sexuality to, and helps to understand her body. Women or men masturbating do not take the place of desire for another person; I can send you some studies from the Kinsey Institute on this (it's an old wive's tale, made to be guilt-producing!). Masturbation can actually have the opposite effect; it helps a person be more confident when the time comes to be with another person, as well as many other helpful reasons.
March 22, 2009 - 4:58pmThis Comment
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