You ask wonderful, wonderful questions. And it's easy to see how much thought you've given this.
No, you're not the only woman who feels this way. You are loving all the good things that children bring to our lives, and missing the feelings that a baby brings out in us. You are grieving a part of life even while you embrace your children at the ages they are now.
With your oldest at 19, and your youngest at 9, you may be feeling not as needed as you did when they were younger. That's not true, of course, but you are needed for different kinds of things -- advice, support and car rides, instead of newborn kisses, diapers and 2 a.m. feedings. And you may be wanting to ward off the "empty nest" as long as you can, because if you've never wanted to be anything but a Mom, you don't want to find yourself out of a job!
The good news is, you never will. All those kids will need you all their lives, just in different and more grownup ways.
Here's the deal, though: You can't keep having new babies forever. Aging happens, and we wonder where all those years went! Even if you have one more baby, regardless of how beloved that baby is, you will still feel that way in a few years. When that new baby is 5 or 6 and you are 51 or 52, you may find yourself at this same crossroads.
What else do you love in your life? Is there something else that you have a talent for that you have never had the time to do? This is the time to start devoting a little more time to it, so that by the time the 9-year-old is 19 (sorry, did I just make your heart skip a beat?) you will have developed other things you are eager to do. It doesn't have to be much of a time commitment now -- after all, you ARE still mothering four children! But it needs to be a train of thought, maybe. Or it'll come around again.
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Anon,
You ask wonderful, wonderful questions. And it's easy to see how much thought you've given this.
No, you're not the only woman who feels this way. You are loving all the good things that children bring to our lives, and missing the feelings that a baby brings out in us. You are grieving a part of life even while you embrace your children at the ages they are now.
With your oldest at 19, and your youngest at 9, you may be feeling not as needed as you did when they were younger. That's not true, of course, but you are needed for different kinds of things -- advice, support and car rides, instead of newborn kisses, diapers and 2 a.m. feedings. And you may be wanting to ward off the "empty nest" as long as you can, because if you've never wanted to be anything but a Mom, you don't want to find yourself out of a job!
The good news is, you never will. All those kids will need you all their lives, just in different and more grownup ways.
Here's the deal, though: You can't keep having new babies forever. Aging happens, and we wonder where all those years went! Even if you have one more baby, regardless of how beloved that baby is, you will still feel that way in a few years. When that new baby is 5 or 6 and you are 51 or 52, you may find yourself at this same crossroads.
What else do you love in your life? Is there something else that you have a talent for that you have never had the time to do? This is the time to start devoting a little more time to it, so that by the time the 9-year-old is 19 (sorry, did I just make your heart skip a beat?) you will have developed other things you are eager to do. It doesn't have to be much of a time commitment now -- after all, you ARE still mothering four children! But it needs to be a train of thought, maybe. Or it'll come around again.
Who is Mom in addition to being Mom?
November 20, 2009 - 9:04amThis Comment
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