Hello all. I am a 31 year old man who loves his wife dearly. we are going on our fourth year of marriage. About a week ago however she suddenly tells me that she loves me, but she is not in love with me, and hasn't been for about two years.
Now for the background and why I am posting here for advice. We concieved on our wedding night and nine months later had a beautiful little girl. A month or two after that my wife got the Mirena Monster inserted. I had already done alot of research during and after the pregnancy, and knew that my wife's libido being hit and miss was normal during pregnancy, and that it could continue to be that way for several months after childbirth. Since our daughter was my wifes 3rd child, we didn't want anymore, but also couldn't afford the surgical options. So we got the Mirena which was covered by the limited insurance we had. Her libido went from hit and miss to GONE. And she had all the other symptoms as well. We tried a variety of ways to keep our sexlife alive, but ultimately it came down to her forcing herself to do it once every 6-8 weeks, usually when she was trying to "butter me up" to get something she wanted. Our situation got so bad that we didn't share a bed, and we seldom spent any time together, even when I lost my job and was home alot on unemployment. There was no intamacy at all, only bare minimum levels of affection. And that frequently seemed to me to be more for my benefit than anything else.
Around July or August of last year her body spontaniously expelled the Mirena on it's own, and she did start to feel better, ( a very little bit better) after about a week without it. However every month at the onset of her cycle she goes through the crash symptoms again. (And yes, she was about to start her cycle when she told me she was no longer in love with me) Now I admit I did letmyself go a bit during all of this to do her lack of interest killing off alot of my self esteme. But here lately I am working again, making ok money, enough that she doesn't have to work and we still get by. Since the job is physical, I am getting back into decent physical shape again as well. My spouse has told me that she doesn't want to leave, she still cares for, and loves me, just that she isn't in love with me. She even went so far as to say that she WANTED me to find a surrogate sexual partner to satisfy my physical needs as she still has no real interest in being intimate in any way. I of course refused such an offer, but it leaves us in a quandry. I finally got her to talk to me about the situation and she admitted that she is no longer physically attracted to me, even with me being back in shape. She also admitted that her tastes had changed i other areas as well, but she remained vague about the extent of those changes. Considering that she had still been sort of affectionate just 3 days before she told me that she wasn't in love with me I had considered the possibility that she had had or was having an affair, but there are no other signs of such a problem. We are both at our wits end.
Currently we are essentially tredding water on our relationship. It was a mutual decision to give things some more time and see what happens. I am trying to do romantic things, like setting up "date nights" and such, but she has confessed that she isn't sure if/when she will be willing to put some real effort into things herself. I know that it won't work if she isn't able/willing to work with me and it is saddening and disheartening. I personally believe, and she somewhat agrees that alot of her current feelings on our relationship were brought about by her trying to force herself to take care of my physical needs during the Mirena nightmare. We both had above normal sexual appetites before the pregnancy, then hers dropped during the pregnancy to about average or a little under. I was able to handle that and had no problems during the pregnancy. After the pregnancy I was looking forward to a gradual return of our love life, but that never happened because she had the Mirena IUD placed about 2 months after she delivered our daughter. I made myself be understanding and didn't complain unless I became to stressed and needed it. Which considering my appetite runs in the range of 1-3 times a day, I only usually made it six weeks, even with masturbation, before I found myself asking her for it, or trying to do anything I could think of to entice her into intercourse.
I am hoping for the following with this post:
1.) For it to serve as a warning to other couples. I hope and pray to save my relationship, but I understand that the damage is done, and may be irrepairable. I hope others learn from this tale of woe and are able to take action before it ruins theirrelationships.
2.) To get any usefull advice that might be offered. Like ideals to help rekindle the fire, herbs, or suppliments that might make her Mirena sysmptoms more tollorable.
3.) To see if anyone else had experienced anything like what my wife and I have gone through.
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Hello all. I am a 31 year old man who loves his wife dearly. we are going on our fourth year of marriage. About a week ago however she suddenly tells me that she loves me, but she is not in love with me, and hasn't been for about two years.
Now for the background and why I am posting here for advice. We concieved on our wedding night and nine months later had a beautiful little girl. A month or two after that my wife got the Mirena Monster inserted. I had already done alot of research during and after the pregnancy, and knew that my wife's libido being hit and miss was normal during pregnancy, and that it could continue to be that way for several months after childbirth. Since our daughter was my wifes 3rd child, we didn't want anymore, but also couldn't afford the surgical options. So we got the Mirena which was covered by the limited insurance we had. Her libido went from hit and miss to GONE. And she had all the other symptoms as well. We tried a variety of ways to keep our sexlife alive, but ultimately it came down to her forcing herself to do it once every 6-8 weeks, usually when she was trying to "butter me up" to get something she wanted. Our situation got so bad that we didn't share a bed, and we seldom spent any time together, even when I lost my job and was home alot on unemployment. There was no intamacy at all, only bare minimum levels of affection. And that frequently seemed to me to be more for my benefit than anything else.
Around July or August of last year her body spontaniously expelled the Mirena on it's own, and she did start to feel better, ( a very little bit better) after about a week without it. However every month at the onset of her cycle she goes through the crash symptoms again. (And yes, she was about to start her cycle when she told me she was no longer in love with me) Now I admit I did letmyself go a bit during all of this to do her lack of interest killing off alot of my self esteme. But here lately I am working again, making ok money, enough that she doesn't have to work and we still get by. Since the job is physical, I am getting back into decent physical shape again as well. My spouse has told me that she doesn't want to leave, she still cares for, and loves me, just that she isn't in love with me. She even went so far as to say that she WANTED me to find a surrogate sexual partner to satisfy my physical needs as she still has no real interest in being intimate in any way. I of course refused such an offer, but it leaves us in a quandry. I finally got her to talk to me about the situation and she admitted that she is no longer physically attracted to me, even with me being back in shape. She also admitted that her tastes had changed i other areas as well, but she remained vague about the extent of those changes. Considering that she had still been sort of affectionate just 3 days before she told me that she wasn't in love with me I had considered the possibility that she had had or was having an affair, but there are no other signs of such a problem. We are both at our wits end.
Currently we are essentially tredding water on our relationship. It was a mutual decision to give things some more time and see what happens. I am trying to do romantic things, like setting up "date nights" and such, but she has confessed that she isn't sure if/when she will be willing to put some real effort into things herself. I know that it won't work if she isn't able/willing to work with me and it is saddening and disheartening. I personally believe, and she somewhat agrees that alot of her current feelings on our relationship were brought about by her trying to force herself to take care of my physical needs during the Mirena nightmare. We both had above normal sexual appetites before the pregnancy, then hers dropped during the pregnancy to about average or a little under. I was able to handle that and had no problems during the pregnancy. After the pregnancy I was looking forward to a gradual return of our love life, but that never happened because she had the Mirena IUD placed about 2 months after she delivered our daughter. I made myself be understanding and didn't complain unless I became to stressed and needed it. Which considering my appetite runs in the range of 1-3 times a day, I only usually made it six weeks, even with masturbation, before I found myself asking her for it, or trying to do anything I could think of to entice her into intercourse.
I am hoping for the following with this post:
1.) For it to serve as a warning to other couples. I hope and pray to save my relationship, but I understand that the damage is done, and may be irrepairable. I hope others learn from this tale of woe and are able to take action before it ruins theirrelationships.
2.) To get any usefull advice that might be offered. Like ideals to help rekindle the fire, herbs, or suppliments that might make her Mirena sysmptoms more tollorable.
3.) To see if anyone else had experienced anything like what my wife and I have gone through.
Thank you all,
Sincerely,
Saber
April 27, 2012 - 3:01pmThis Comment
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