I want to thank everyone for your prayers and words of support. If I didn't have people to prop me up I don't know how I'd have gotten this far. I realize I have miles to go, but it already feels like forever since I started down this tricky road.
I was having such a shitty day yesterday. I just needed to have some control I guess. So,...I called my hairdresser. I just needed to get me some normal. I've been with Ray 7 years now. I called him and said 'Ray, I really need to see you as soon as possible.' He said 'Ok,...come over now.' I wasn't expecting that, and said 'Ok,...well, maybe not that soon, I'm at work. Maybe tomorrow, or later today even?' So I left work at 2:20 and he got me in at 3:00 yesterday.
Thank goodness Ray's been at this forever, because if he'd said 'Hey! Lets shave your head and tattoo flames on the sides!' I might have agreed to it. But he doesn't believe in doing anything other than 'their usual' when people are in a 'state'. I got there and he said 'You sounded stressed when you called...what's going on hon?' I blurted it all out and of course he was shocked, and said/did all the things everyone does when we tell them. Thankfully he didn't cry. It wrecks me every time. So we talked a bit, and he asked if we were cutting. I don't know how I answered exactly but I'd have agreed to anything to have some control over my life again, even if it was only fleeting.
I never tell a professional their job and so it is with Ray. He was probably gauging my mental status to see how 'out-there' I was when he asked me anyway. I learned a long time ago that when I pick a haircut out of a magazine and then have it done to me it's always, always hideous. I'm just no good at it. I'll never look like those models no matter what cut, perm or color I pick. When I need dental work I hire a dentist. I hire an attorney for my Legal work. So I (finally) learned it's best to hire a hair professional too. So I go in, he does what's right for me, my hair, and my lifestyle, and I write the check. And I've never, ever come away unhappy since.
In the end, we did what we always do, some weaving highlights, a modest trim, Nothing drastic. And I went a way with a couple hours of normal under my belt.
On my way home, an RN friend called and wanted to meet for a bite to eat so I agreed. I'd been afraid to call her because I was afraid I'd break down a lot. But since I'd gotten my little slice of normal, the cape was back on, and I was 'SuperDeb' again. Ready to leap huge problems in a single bound!
Linda and I met for dinner and I told her everything. She used to work for Kaiser and knows the ins & outs of insurance and when she said '...Too bad that you don't...' I stopped her, because I knew where she was going, we used to work together. I now have a bag devoted to my newest project, 'Me'. In the bag I have two spiral binders for me and my appt buddy to take notes at dr. appts. Another file contains insurance stuff explaining policy and benefits, and then there are the various files containing reports etc. So we went over insurance and options and she gave me a to-do list of sorts. Talk to the counselor and support group. Get my resources together. Then interview the surgeon / plastic surgeon. She said I can't do it all at once....and of course that's what I'd been doing.
Today is a much better day.
Tomorrow I will be meeting with Linda and her 'ex' sister-in-law who just happens to be visiting this weekend after years of not having visited. This was set up before I told Linda what was going on, so I know it's not on my account. But she's a mentor or counselor for the American Cancer Society Breast Cancer. She had the flap done 10 years ago I think Linda said!
Linda spent some time on the computer last night looking for resources for me too and has had many dealings with the place in S.F. So she's got paperwork she wants to pass on to me. So I'm leaning in that direction today.
I found one surgeon in the SLO county that does flap surgery, Dr. Charles Chalekson in Templeton and his work is said to be very good. He's the only one within 300 miles of here that does it. He does not take Blue Cross Blue Shield but I was told that they work with the insurance company on surgery...whatever that means. He also does the flaps at the time of the mastectomy for a good candidate I'm told. The consult is $179. They don't work with the insurance company on that. He's on the back burner for now.
Ok...here are todays' ponderings,...
A coworker asked me yesterday about the flap. She's sure that's the way to go because of the 'bonus tummy tuck'. Since the flap is skin and fat from the abdomen, she asked, if I were to lose weight, would I lose some of the fat in my breasts as well? I should think so, since it's fat, but I don't know. But maybe I best put more up there from the start...just in case. And I have it too. Remember I'm still subscribing to the A cup, B cup, and C cup lunching plan until I rule this flap thing out.
And then I was wondering, with the flap if there is the same...lets call it 'sag-rate' that has slowly occurred to my breasts over the years, or if the new ones will hold up a little better since they're made of different stuff.
So how does anyone afford to have cancer anyway? And be off work for weeks? I'm not married and far from being well off. I live on a sailboat because I can't afford to have a land based home and a boat. Turns out I love living aboard, so I'm ahead of the game. Well, sort of.
You all have been incredibly helpful in this, I can't begin to tell you how much. Thank you for your prayers, words of wisdom, and helpful suggestions.
I gotta run. Someone wants to feed me again.
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I want to thank everyone for your prayers and words of support. If I didn't have people to prop me up I don't know how I'd have gotten this far. I realize I have miles to go, but it already feels like forever since I started down this tricky road.
I was having such a shitty day yesterday. I just needed to have some control I guess. So,...I called my hairdresser. I just needed to get me some normal. I've been with Ray 7 years now. I called him and said 'Ray, I really need to see you as soon as possible.' He said 'Ok,...come over now.' I wasn't expecting that, and said 'Ok,...well, maybe not that soon, I'm at work. Maybe tomorrow, or later today even?' So I left work at 2:20 and he got me in at 3:00 yesterday.
Thank goodness Ray's been at this forever, because if he'd said 'Hey! Lets shave your head and tattoo flames on the sides!' I might have agreed to it. But he doesn't believe in doing anything other than 'their usual' when people are in a 'state'. I got there and he said 'You sounded stressed when you called...what's going on hon?' I blurted it all out and of course he was shocked, and said/did all the things everyone does when we tell them. Thankfully he didn't cry. It wrecks me every time. So we talked a bit, and he asked if we were cutting. I don't know how I answered exactly but I'd have agreed to anything to have some control over my life again, even if it was only fleeting.
I never tell a professional their job and so it is with Ray. He was probably gauging my mental status to see how 'out-there' I was when he asked me anyway. I learned a long time ago that when I pick a haircut out of a magazine and then have it done to me it's always, always hideous. I'm just no good at it. I'll never look like those models no matter what cut, perm or color I pick. When I need dental work I hire a dentist. I hire an attorney for my Legal work. So I (finally) learned it's best to hire a hair professional too. So I go in, he does what's right for me, my hair, and my lifestyle, and I write the check. And I've never, ever come away unhappy since.
In the end, we did what we always do, some weaving highlights, a modest trim, Nothing drastic. And I went a way with a couple hours of normal under my belt.
On my way home, an RN friend called and wanted to meet for a bite to eat so I agreed. I'd been afraid to call her because I was afraid I'd break down a lot. But since I'd gotten my little slice of normal, the cape was back on, and I was 'SuperDeb' again. Ready to leap huge problems in a single bound!
Linda and I met for dinner and I told her everything. She used to work for Kaiser and knows the ins & outs of insurance and when she said '...Too bad that you don't...' I stopped her, because I knew where she was going, we used to work together. I now have a bag devoted to my newest project, 'Me'. In the bag I have two spiral binders for me and my appt buddy to take notes at dr. appts. Another file contains insurance stuff explaining policy and benefits, and then there are the various files containing reports etc. So we went over insurance and options and she gave me a to-do list of sorts. Talk to the counselor and support group. Get my resources together. Then interview the surgeon / plastic surgeon. She said I can't do it all at once....and of course that's what I'd been doing.
Today is a much better day.
Tomorrow I will be meeting with Linda and her 'ex' sister-in-law who just happens to be visiting this weekend after years of not having visited. This was set up before I told Linda what was going on, so I know it's not on my account. But she's a mentor or counselor for the American Cancer Society Breast Cancer. She had the flap done 10 years ago I think Linda said!
Linda spent some time on the computer last night looking for resources for me too and has had many dealings with the place in S.F. So she's got paperwork she wants to pass on to me. So I'm leaning in that direction today.
I found one surgeon in the SLO county that does flap surgery, Dr. Charles Chalekson in Templeton and his work is said to be very good. He's the only one within 300 miles of here that does it. He does not take Blue Cross Blue Shield but I was told that they work with the insurance company on surgery...whatever that means. He also does the flaps at the time of the mastectomy for a good candidate I'm told. The consult is $179. They don't work with the insurance company on that. He's on the back burner for now.
Ok...here are todays' ponderings,...
A coworker asked me yesterday about the flap. She's sure that's the way to go because of the 'bonus tummy tuck'. Since the flap is skin and fat from the abdomen, she asked, if I were to lose weight, would I lose some of the fat in my breasts as well? I should think so, since it's fat, but I don't know. But maybe I best put more up there from the start...just in case. And I have it too. Remember I'm still subscribing to the A cup, B cup, and C cup lunching plan until I rule this flap thing out.
And then I was wondering, with the flap if there is the same...lets call it 'sag-rate' that has slowly occurred to my breasts over the years, or if the new ones will hold up a little better since they're made of different stuff.
So how does anyone afford to have cancer anyway? And be off work for weeks? I'm not married and far from being well off. I live on a sailboat because I can't afford to have a land based home and a boat. Turns out I love living aboard, so I'm ahead of the game. Well, sort of.
You all have been incredibly helpful in this, I can't begin to tell you how much. Thank you for your prayers, words of wisdom, and helpful suggestions.
I gotta run. Someone wants to feed me again.
Deb
May 22, 2009 - 2:32pmThis Comment
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