The lack of sex does not sound like the main problem, as there are other problems that are concerning you, right?
He is showing you everything you need to know, to make the best decision for yourself:
- He is bored with sex (too much in his lifetime?! Please know that is the top silliest comment/excuse I have ever heard...). He is only 25, and only had 10 partners. I know it sounds like a lot, but not really.
- He provides different excuses to not have sex with you (stressed, not feeling well, etc)
- He does not show any physical affection
- He finds reasons not to kiss you (?!)
- He is blaming you for all of this, saying that YOU are the one that has changed from the person he met
- He refused/does not want to talk with you about it
- He is now telling you that you are too needy when you make a move
Do I have to go further?
Have you stepped back from this, and decided what type of relationship YOU want? I know he is your first, you have invested a lot of time and love and energy into him and the relationship. But now is the time to step back, and see where you are headed. He is showing you AND telling you everything that he is willing to do in the relationship. He is not showing physical intimacy but shows you he loves you in every other way. Relationship without physical intimacy is just friends, isn't it? And, not that great of friends if he is blaming you for things, telling you that you are too needy and refusing to talk or communicate.
Red flags all around. Number one red flag: a partner who is unwilling to communicate with you about your concerns.
You can choose to be happy, and to have a happy and healthy relationship. Promise! Long-term relationships DO exist where you feel happy, joyful and smile most of the time. You do not wonder what you've done wrong, or how to change to please him. Can you imagine being with someone who likes you for YOU, who does want to have sex with you, who can't wait to see you? Someone who makes you smile, talks and listens when you are crying or sad or upset. Someone who brings up difficult topics and talks with you about emotional concerns. These relationships are plentiful; you have to do the work to find it. I can guarantee you wont' find this type of relationship if you are changing yourself to please a man or "make" him like you. There is not one way to "make" anyone like you, and it is unfortunate that he is not mature enough to communicate with you that his feelings have changed for you; he is all but showing you and wants you to do the hard work by communicating about it. ugh. Just re-reading your post is upsetting; your making a move to be physically intimate and he tells you that you are too needy?! That is definitely not the sign of someone who is in love with you, and not the foundation for a healthy relationship. I hope you feel that you deserve to be treated better, and to be in a relationship with someone who SHOWS you that they are in love with you most of the time!
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The lack of sex does not sound like the main problem, as there are other problems that are concerning you, right?
He is showing you everything you need to know, to make the best decision for yourself:
- He is bored with sex (too much in his lifetime?! Please know that is the top silliest comment/excuse I have ever heard...). He is only 25, and only had 10 partners. I know it sounds like a lot, but not really.
- He provides different excuses to not have sex with you (stressed, not feeling well, etc)
- He does not show any physical affection
- He finds reasons not to kiss you (?!)
- He is blaming you for all of this, saying that YOU are the one that has changed from the person he met
- He refused/does not want to talk with you about it
- He is now telling you that you are too needy when you make a move
Do I have to go further?
Have you stepped back from this, and decided what type of relationship YOU want? I know he is your first, you have invested a lot of time and love and energy into him and the relationship. But now is the time to step back, and see where you are headed. He is showing you AND telling you everything that he is willing to do in the relationship. He is not showing physical intimacy but shows you he loves you in every other way. Relationship without physical intimacy is just friends, isn't it? And, not that great of friends if he is blaming you for things, telling you that you are too needy and refusing to talk or communicate.
Red flags all around. Number one red flag: a partner who is unwilling to communicate with you about your concerns.
You can choose to be happy, and to have a happy and healthy relationship. Promise! Long-term relationships DO exist where you feel happy, joyful and smile most of the time. You do not wonder what you've done wrong, or how to change to please him. Can you imagine being with someone who likes you for YOU, who does want to have sex with you, who can't wait to see you? Someone who makes you smile, talks and listens when you are crying or sad or upset. Someone who brings up difficult topics and talks with you about emotional concerns. These relationships are plentiful; you have to do the work to find it. I can guarantee you wont' find this type of relationship if you are changing yourself to please a man or "make" him like you. There is not one way to "make" anyone like you, and it is unfortunate that he is not mature enough to communicate with you that his feelings have changed for you; he is all but showing you and wants you to do the hard work by communicating about it. ugh. Just re-reading your post is upsetting; your making a move to be physically intimate and he tells you that you are too needy?! That is definitely not the sign of someone who is in love with you, and not the foundation for a healthy relationship. I hope you feel that you deserve to be treated better, and to be in a relationship with someone who SHOWS you that they are in love with you most of the time!
December 28, 2010 - 12:20pmThis Comment
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