Jody, I am not chronically ill, but I suffered through a pretty tough depression for a couple of years that left me almost unable to do or accomplish anything.
With therapy and medicine, I too worked my way out. But the impressions I made and the things I learned during that time haven't gone away. I never stopped seeing myself through critical eyes -- for instance, what was I doing in the grocery store in the middle of the day without a baby in the cart? (Meaning, unless you're working, you're worthless.)
I fell into this depression after the end of a successful 22-year career, so I was used to being a high-functioning person. During the depression, I found myself disbelieving how many things I used to be able to accomplish just in one day.
Chronic illness is as debilitating mentally as much as it is physically -- and maybe even moreso. I remember a day when I was driving in the car and something on the radio made me laugh. Genuinely laugh. And then immediately I stopped -- because i realized that even laughter itself seemed difficult. It had been so long since I had genuinely laughed that I had nearly forgotten how. I had forgotten what wellbeing feels like.
I have a great husband, who never forgot who I was at my best even when I was at my worst, and fabulous friends, who always kept a place for me right by their side. Without such support, I'm not sure how a person works their way out of a rough spot. But I do know that the internet makes connections when there seemingly are none, and helps people feel less alone even when they are. And I think that's why your writing stands out.
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Jody, I am not chronically ill, but I suffered through a pretty tough depression for a couple of years that left me almost unable to do or accomplish anything.
With therapy and medicine, I too worked my way out. But the impressions I made and the things I learned during that time haven't gone away. I never stopped seeing myself through critical eyes -- for instance, what was I doing in the grocery store in the middle of the day without a baby in the cart? (Meaning, unless you're working, you're worthless.)
I fell into this depression after the end of a successful 22-year career, so I was used to being a high-functioning person. During the depression, I found myself disbelieving how many things I used to be able to accomplish just in one day.
Chronic illness is as debilitating mentally as much as it is physically -- and maybe even moreso. I remember a day when I was driving in the car and something on the radio made me laugh. Genuinely laugh. And then immediately I stopped -- because i realized that even laughter itself seemed difficult. It had been so long since I had genuinely laughed that I had nearly forgotten how. I had forgotten what wellbeing feels like.
I have a great husband, who never forgot who I was at my best even when I was at my worst, and fabulous friends, who always kept a place for me right by their side. Without such support, I'm not sure how a person works their way out of a rough spot. But I do know that the internet makes connections when there seemingly are none, and helps people feel less alone even when they are. And I think that's why your writing stands out.
May 29, 2009 - 8:25amThis Comment
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