Yours was a particularly thoughtful and moving post. But one thing you said (which I tend to agree with) does seem to bear on some of what people have seemingly been talking about :
"...I believe that every single family has boundaries that get crossed. I am a very, very good mother and yet, I know I've unintentionally crossed boundaries with my children. We, as parents, do the best we can - but we are not perfect. To make a blanket statement that a family has never had boundaries crossed is completely unrealistic. Crossing boundaries does not mean you're a "bad" parent. It just means you're not a perfect parent (no one is)...."
How one could read this is that even normal and regular old "good enough" quality parenting involves boundary violations. Which may be true. I suspect most people would agree with you that even the most healthy parent is not always perfect.
And yet if we want to take this one step further, and apply some of Joanna's contentions, we could theoretically say that things that make up normal healthy parenting are also "The Number One Reason for Developing an Eating Disorder."
I don't know: No one has gone as far as to say that yet, but perhaps that really is what is being said ?
If so, if even good old-fashioned healthy parenting can contribute to the development of an ED, when we take a step back and look at the situation (only a small percentage of kids develop EDs), it would seem obvious that some kind of additional intersecting "Number One Reason" would also have to be in play ?
Anyhow, just some thoughts...
Bob J.
PS, I don't mean to insult Joanna's title. While we may not all be in full agreement with it, it has brought a lot of positions to this discussion, and for that alone it is probably a good one.
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Dear Shelly,
Yours was a particularly thoughtful and moving post. But one thing you said (which I tend to agree with) does seem to bear on some of what people have seemingly been talking about :
"...I believe that every single family has boundaries that get crossed. I am a very, very good mother and yet, I know I've unintentionally crossed boundaries with my children. We, as parents, do the best we can - but we are not perfect. To make a blanket statement that a family has never had boundaries crossed is completely unrealistic. Crossing boundaries does not mean you're a "bad" parent. It just means you're not a perfect parent (no one is)...."
How one could read this is that even normal and regular old "good enough" quality parenting involves boundary violations. Which may be true. I suspect most people would agree with you that even the most healthy parent is not always perfect.
And yet if we want to take this one step further, and apply some of Joanna's contentions, we could theoretically say that things that make up normal healthy parenting are also "The Number One Reason for Developing an Eating Disorder."
I don't know: No one has gone as far as to say that yet, but perhaps that really is what is being said ?
If so, if even good old-fashioned healthy parenting can contribute to the development of an ED, when we take a step back and look at the situation (only a small percentage of kids develop EDs), it would seem obvious that some kind of additional intersecting "Number One Reason" would also have to be in play ?
Anyhow, just some thoughts...
Bob J.
PS, I don't mean to insult Joanna's title. While we may not all be in full agreement with it, it has brought a lot of positions to this discussion, and for that alone it is probably a good one.
June 8, 2009 - 9:52amThis Comment
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