Oh boy, I cannot imagine the desperation you were feeling when your daughter was so ill - in crisis - and how overwhelming you must have felt at the time, to save your daughter's life!!! What a horrible nightmare you went through!!! The only way I can even come close to relating to what you must have been going through at that time was when my youngest son was unexpectedly hospitalized for a serious, life-threatening staph infection in his leg at age 9. He could have DIED!!! I remember being in the hospital with him and thinking what my life would be without him in it. It was so devestating and heartbreaking (thank goodness he fully recovered and is now 16 - during that same time his daycare teacher died from a staph infection, which magnified the seriousness of his illness even more to me).
I most definitely agree with you that parents must be allowed to choose the treatment that they think is best for their child - after being fully informed of all of their options!!! I am so sorry that you had to face decisions that had to be made, basically on the spot, in order to save your daughter's life! That was so wrong of the professionals to not take you aside, and calmly fully explain out all of your options available. And I'm sorry for the trauma you daughter, you and your family went through by putting her in a facility that would not let you see your child, or participate in her therapy sessions. I don't know if their way is right, or wrong, but I would have felt exactly like you and wanted to go in there and drag my daughter out of that place! I don't know if that would have been the best thing for my child, but it's what I would have done if I'd been put in your position at that time. It's in the past now, and it sounds like everything has turned out good for your daughter and your family, so far. I hope your daughter's recovery continues, and that her eating disorders to not come back. Does the Maudsley Approach teach that recovery is permanent, and that your daughter does not ever have to be on guard, or be aware, if her eating disorder starts creeping back into her life? I hope it doesn't, but please be aware that maybe it could (at least in my opinion).
I have an ex-sister-in-law who was in a treatment center for 4 weeks when she was in college for anorexia. She is now 45 years old, and her anorexia has reared it's ugly head again in her life, just in the past two months. All that time, and it's back. She has been through so much in her life over the past few years, and I think it's subconsciously her only way of coping. Even though she lives in another state, I am in close contact with her (we relate well to each other, both single moms, etc. - she opens up to me and shares about her ED struggles - we consider each other "soul sisters"). I'm loving her and giving her all the support I know how to give. But I cannot "cure" her. She is an adult. Besides therapy, where else is she supposed to turn? She has children to raise! Oh, I feel her pain... I have been there, too. I know that pain and desperation, always hoping and praying that I do not emotionally "damage" my children in any way because of my disease. (As far as I know, my boys do not know about my bulimia. They're kids and I don't want them to "worry" about their mom.)
Personally, for me, it helps to know that my "helpers" (therapist, nutritionist) have also suffered from eating disorders themselves. As the adult patient, it is such a relief to have someone else there who has "been there," and who knows exactly what I was feeling and going through! These two women that I was so blessed to be led to have shared so much of their own personal stories with me, and that actually helps me in my healing and recovery process. No, my situation and "story" is not exactly the same as theirs, and I do not always agree with everything they say! That is my right not only as their patient, but as a human being! I take what resonates for me, and leave the rest (and I tell them that!). :)
I've always used my strong intuition when I need to, especially as a mother. When my older son went through so many tests as a young toddler and into his elementary school years, I remember thinking, "I cannot ever give up! I must continue to educate myself, learn everything I can, learn all of my options, and then make the best decision I can for my son." I know that learning disabilities cannot compare to any life-threatening illness of a child! I'm just trying to express to you that I do know what it's like to be a good mom, the best mom I can possibly be for my two boys, always only wanting the best for them, and feeling so heartbroken to see them suffer and struggle. We'd all, as parents, trade places with our children in their sufferings if it were possible!!!
These women who I refer to as my "helpers" are stable professionals, personally experienced in my disease, and open up to me with their own personal stories. I feel so blessed (I know I just used that word - but it's how I feel!) to have them in my life, helping me to get well. And they have both shared the struggles they still, personally have with their own disease. For instance, they know their food "triggers" as do I, and they stay away from those triggers in order to stay well. It gives me "hope" to learn from them. They are wonderful, strong examples to me. This is what works for me, and it probably would not work in the same way for a younger person, adolescent or child - I don't know for sure. I just have to keep looking forward and relying on the support that I have in them!
Anne, I owe you an apology. It's been nagging at me all day. I was pretty hard on you yesterday in my original post to you about Joanna. I feel very defensive of her because she, too, has helped me so much because of her knowledge and her own personal experiences. I "reacted" and I should not have done so in the manner that I did. It was disrespectful of me to act like that towards you, and the others who I felt were "attacking" her. Please accept my humble apology (that goes for everyone else, too). I still love Joanna and support her (she's an adult, like me, and her experiences give me "hope" also, like my other "helpers"). I personally relate to her and appreciate her and the help she's given me.
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Hi Anne,
Oh boy, I cannot imagine the desperation you were feeling when your daughter was so ill - in crisis - and how overwhelming you must have felt at the time, to save your daughter's life!!! What a horrible nightmare you went through!!! The only way I can even come close to relating to what you must have been going through at that time was when my youngest son was unexpectedly hospitalized for a serious, life-threatening staph infection in his leg at age 9. He could have DIED!!! I remember being in the hospital with him and thinking what my life would be without him in it. It was so devestating and heartbreaking (thank goodness he fully recovered and is now 16 - during that same time his daycare teacher died from a staph infection, which magnified the seriousness of his illness even more to me).
I most definitely agree with you that parents must be allowed to choose the treatment that they think is best for their child - after being fully informed of all of their options!!! I am so sorry that you had to face decisions that had to be made, basically on the spot, in order to save your daughter's life! That was so wrong of the professionals to not take you aside, and calmly fully explain out all of your options available. And I'm sorry for the trauma you daughter, you and your family went through by putting her in a facility that would not let you see your child, or participate in her therapy sessions. I don't know if their way is right, or wrong, but I would have felt exactly like you and wanted to go in there and drag my daughter out of that place! I don't know if that would have been the best thing for my child, but it's what I would have done if I'd been put in your position at that time. It's in the past now, and it sounds like everything has turned out good for your daughter and your family, so far. I hope your daughter's recovery continues, and that her eating disorders to not come back. Does the Maudsley Approach teach that recovery is permanent, and that your daughter does not ever have to be on guard, or be aware, if her eating disorder starts creeping back into her life? I hope it doesn't, but please be aware that maybe it could (at least in my opinion).
I have an ex-sister-in-law who was in a treatment center for 4 weeks when she was in college for anorexia. She is now 45 years old, and her anorexia has reared it's ugly head again in her life, just in the past two months. All that time, and it's back. She has been through so much in her life over the past few years, and I think it's subconsciously her only way of coping. Even though she lives in another state, I am in close contact with her (we relate well to each other, both single moms, etc. - she opens up to me and shares about her ED struggles - we consider each other "soul sisters"). I'm loving her and giving her all the support I know how to give. But I cannot "cure" her. She is an adult. Besides therapy, where else is she supposed to turn? She has children to raise! Oh, I feel her pain... I have been there, too. I know that pain and desperation, always hoping and praying that I do not emotionally "damage" my children in any way because of my disease. (As far as I know, my boys do not know about my bulimia. They're kids and I don't want them to "worry" about their mom.)
Personally, for me, it helps to know that my "helpers" (therapist, nutritionist) have also suffered from eating disorders themselves. As the adult patient, it is such a relief to have someone else there who has "been there," and who knows exactly what I was feeling and going through! These two women that I was so blessed to be led to have shared so much of their own personal stories with me, and that actually helps me in my healing and recovery process. No, my situation and "story" is not exactly the same as theirs, and I do not always agree with everything they say! That is my right not only as their patient, but as a human being! I take what resonates for me, and leave the rest (and I tell them that!). :)
I've always used my strong intuition when I need to, especially as a mother. When my older son went through so many tests as a young toddler and into his elementary school years, I remember thinking, "I cannot ever give up! I must continue to educate myself, learn everything I can, learn all of my options, and then make the best decision I can for my son." I know that learning disabilities cannot compare to any life-threatening illness of a child! I'm just trying to express to you that I do know what it's like to be a good mom, the best mom I can possibly be for my two boys, always only wanting the best for them, and feeling so heartbroken to see them suffer and struggle. We'd all, as parents, trade places with our children in their sufferings if it were possible!!!
These women who I refer to as my "helpers" are stable professionals, personally experienced in my disease, and open up to me with their own personal stories. I feel so blessed (I know I just used that word - but it's how I feel!) to have them in my life, helping me to get well. And they have both shared the struggles they still, personally have with their own disease. For instance, they know their food "triggers" as do I, and they stay away from those triggers in order to stay well. It gives me "hope" to learn from them. They are wonderful, strong examples to me. This is what works for me, and it probably would not work in the same way for a younger person, adolescent or child - I don't know for sure. I just have to keep looking forward and relying on the support that I have in them!
Anne, I owe you an apology. It's been nagging at me all day. I was pretty hard on you yesterday in my original post to you about Joanna. I feel very defensive of her because she, too, has helped me so much because of her knowledge and her own personal experiences. I "reacted" and I should not have done so in the manner that I did. It was disrespectful of me to act like that towards you, and the others who I felt were "attacking" her. Please accept my humble apology (that goes for everyone else, too). I still love Joanna and support her (she's an adult, like me, and her experiences give me "hope" also, like my other "helpers"). I personally relate to her and appreciate her and the help she's given me.
Love and Light,
June 9, 2009 - 6:42pmShelley
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