I am so sorry you are going through this, but you came to a great place for support.
What you describe in your husband's behavior is normal, even for a man who has not just lost his job; his responsibilities to his family are about to increase, he may be worried about lost freedoms and, of course, worried about finances.
Have you asked him how he is feeling, both about losing his job, and about the new baby? Has he had enough time to mourn the loss of his job? What is he most afraid of?
If he is able to emotionally open up to you, he may feel more connected, understood, validated, and that he is able to "fix" some of the problems (ie, gain unemployment benefits and/or find another job). He may be so overwhelmed that he is reverting back to destructive behaviors (going out late at night, for one).
Of course, you can be sympathetic to a point, and need your own reassurance in the relationship. How was your relationship before you were pregnant? How was your relationship while you were pregnant, but before he lost his job?
Do you have health insurance, and specifically, maternity insurance? Do you have friends and family and a good support system in place, as well as prenatal care?
I would love to hear back from you, to learn what your options are. Do you have a solid relationship with your husband from before the stressors that you can rely on? Pregnancy is very stressful for men, and if your husband has a history of not communicating his feelings very well, then his behavior is understandable (although, not acceptable). Perhaps helping him communicate his feelings, let him know he can still go out with his friends, he can still have some freedoms; his life is not over once the baby comes! (By the way...how old is your husband?). Are you OK with him seeing his friends a few times a night, if he is also looking for ways to help the family become financially stable, and the other 5 times a week he is with you (until the baby comes)? Setting some mutually-agreeable boundaries for both of you, while you also spend time with some of your girlfriends, could be a great thing for your relationship--you can both gain support from other friends who are not within your stressful family life at the moment--and come back together to help support each other. This is assuming you have a healthy relationship foundation, and this is a temporary setback. He needs to be honest with you, and you can allow him to open up about his fears and mourn the loss of his job (which may be more profound than you think).
If you are worried about what the future holds for your relationship, many couples go through this during pregnancy, and I hope he is excited about the new baby! Has he been involved in doctor visits and preparing for your new family member?
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I am so sorry you are going through this, but you came to a great place for support.
What you describe in your husband's behavior is normal, even for a man who has not just lost his job; his responsibilities to his family are about to increase, he may be worried about lost freedoms and, of course, worried about finances.
Have you asked him how he is feeling, both about losing his job, and about the new baby? Has he had enough time to mourn the loss of his job? What is he most afraid of?
If he is able to emotionally open up to you, he may feel more connected, understood, validated, and that he is able to "fix" some of the problems (ie, gain unemployment benefits and/or find another job). He may be so overwhelmed that he is reverting back to destructive behaviors (going out late at night, for one).
Of course, you can be sympathetic to a point, and need your own reassurance in the relationship. How was your relationship before you were pregnant? How was your relationship while you were pregnant, but before he lost his job?
Do you have health insurance, and specifically, maternity insurance? Do you have friends and family and a good support system in place, as well as prenatal care?
I would love to hear back from you, to learn what your options are. Do you have a solid relationship with your husband from before the stressors that you can rely on? Pregnancy is very stressful for men, and if your husband has a history of not communicating his feelings very well, then his behavior is understandable (although, not acceptable). Perhaps helping him communicate his feelings, let him know he can still go out with his friends, he can still have some freedoms; his life is not over once the baby comes! (By the way...how old is your husband?). Are you OK with him seeing his friends a few times a night, if he is also looking for ways to help the family become financially stable, and the other 5 times a week he is with you (until the baby comes)? Setting some mutually-agreeable boundaries for both of you, while you also spend time with some of your girlfriends, could be a great thing for your relationship--you can both gain support from other friends who are not within your stressful family life at the moment--and come back together to help support each other. This is assuming you have a healthy relationship foundation, and this is a temporary setback. He needs to be honest with you, and you can allow him to open up about his fears and mourn the loss of his job (which may be more profound than you think).
If you are worried about what the future holds for your relationship, many couples go through this during pregnancy, and I hope he is excited about the new baby! Has he been involved in doctor visits and preparing for your new family member?
Hope to hear from you soon.
August 15, 2009 - 7:31pmThis Comment
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