I'm going on 25 years with this miserable disease. I'm barely able to fake my way through it at work most days and lately it's getting worse.
2 years into it I sat in my car with a hose on the seat next to me writing my suicide note. The hose was meant for the exhaust pipe. Ahhh... the ultimate cure. When I started writing my goodbye to my kids (then 3 and 5) I lost my courage; I didn't want them to grow up without a father. In retrospect though, they did grow up without a father and the father they knew was rarely able to interact with them and often a grumpy old bear because he was so exhausted from forcing himself to go to work every day.
Eventually my wife's inability to accept or try to understand my illness is probably what led to my divorce. No worries on that front though - I'm better off without her. I have a wonderful and understanding girlfriend and my daughter has come to accept me so it's not all bad, but I don't have a future yet. I want a future. I need a future!!! Dammit I've gone through half my life the miserable shell of a person and I need something to look forward to. Anything!
If anyone from the CDC that was involved with trivializing this horrible disease with its ridicule-invoking name reads this, I hope that you come down with "chronic silly little clowns rip your skin off with red hot pliers syndrome" and may you rot in hell after you die a thousand deaths!
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I'm going on 25 years with this miserable disease. I'm barely able to fake my way through it at work most days and lately it's getting worse.
2 years into it I sat in my car with a hose on the seat next to me writing my suicide note. The hose was meant for the exhaust pipe. Ahhh... the ultimate cure. When I started writing my goodbye to my kids (then 3 and 5) I lost my courage; I didn't want them to grow up without a father. In retrospect though, they did grow up without a father and the father they knew was rarely able to interact with them and often a grumpy old bear because he was so exhausted from forcing himself to go to work every day.
Eventually my wife's inability to accept or try to understand my illness is probably what led to my divorce. No worries on that front though - I'm better off without her. I have a wonderful and understanding girlfriend and my daughter has come to accept me so it's not all bad, but I don't have a future yet. I want a future. I need a future!!! Dammit I've gone through half my life the miserable shell of a person and I need something to look forward to. Anything!
If anyone from the CDC that was involved with trivializing this horrible disease with its ridicule-invoking name reads this, I hope that you come down with "chronic silly little clowns rip your skin off with red hot pliers syndrome" and may you rot in hell after you die a thousand deaths!
October 22, 2009 - 12:45pmThis Comment
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