I can only offer 1 perspective on this issue, my own.... I am a man, so maybe some of this will ring true or be of some use to you. Men, myself included, are often far more sensitive than they are willing to let on or are given credit for. Quite often with men, if they are unhappy or uncomfortable in a situation, will become either defensive or in more delicate situations we tend to withdraw from it. Me and my girlfriend are going through similar problems. Why? well, for the record I have a very high libido and can tell you that drive is not the issue. As our relationship has progressed I began to notice more and more criticism levied at me in every day life, her mobile phone has become a more permanent fixture in my company, and her social life always takes precedence over us spending time together. If I say something about her inattentiveness or criticism's then I'm "too sensetive". If I complain about her going out too much or cancelling our plans then I'm "controlling", If I go out or cancel plans then she is "disappointed in me" and won't speak to me for days. If I ask for sex when she doesn't want it I'm "objectifying her and only after one thing and have to be mindful of her needs" if she wants sex and I don't then I'm "Not meeting her needs". I could go on but needless to say there is not just 1 thing that is the problem here; I still love her and we have some truly amazing times together but as you can imagine I reached a state of confusion and annoyance which then quickly sublimated to apathy - which is a strong coping mechanism, after all how can something hurt your feelings if you don't care about it? With regards to sex, I am definitely less interested in it because I have 'turned of' to some degree to protect my own feelings.
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I can only offer 1 perspective on this issue, my own.... I am a man, so maybe some of this will ring true or be of some use to you. Men, myself included, are often far more sensitive than they are willing to let on or are given credit for. Quite often with men, if they are unhappy or uncomfortable in a situation, will become either defensive or in more delicate situations we tend to withdraw from it. Me and my girlfriend are going through similar problems. Why? well, for the record I have a very high libido and can tell you that drive is not the issue. As our relationship has progressed I began to notice more and more criticism levied at me in every day life, her mobile phone has become a more permanent fixture in my company, and her social life always takes precedence over us spending time together. If I say something about her inattentiveness or criticism's then I'm "too sensetive". If I complain about her going out too much or cancelling our plans then I'm "controlling", If I go out or cancel plans then she is "disappointed in me" and won't speak to me for days. If I ask for sex when she doesn't want it I'm "objectifying her and only after one thing and have to be mindful of her needs" if she wants sex and I don't then I'm "Not meeting her needs". I could go on but needless to say there is not just 1 thing that is the problem here; I still love her and we have some truly amazing times together but as you can imagine I reached a state of confusion and annoyance which then quickly sublimated to apathy - which is a strong coping mechanism, after all how can something hurt your feelings if you don't care about it? With regards to sex, I am definitely less interested in it because I have 'turned of' to some degree to protect my own feelings.
November 20, 2016 - 7:28amThis Comment
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