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Not implying that it makes sense to balance the repercussions, but this is a case where little thought was given, which is the norm. As far as societal norms are concerned, I am pretty sure that they had little bearing on his decision. I think control was less of an issue as well, that implies non-ideal traits for a mate, and lessens the chance of marriage (which lends some small support beyond "my thoughts" this, and "my thoughts" that, not that any of us can really understand the situation, there might have been many reasons for looking for another lover). Manipulation may have been a necessary measure to ensure that happiness was kept after the complications began, and if it had successfully been kept a secret, then there would not have been this pain. Manipulation is a strange concept, because it is really used very frequently, in that every time you (we, they) influence someones actions (think clothing choices, word choices, tone, inflections, expression), you (we, they...) are manipulating them (you, me, themselves..).
meh, idle thoughts are idle, drifting into a lot of speculation.