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Respectfully replying, when you lie to someone, whatever your reason, you are limiting their choices and actions. This happens because they cannot make a conscious choice without having all the facts. Therefore, if you make choices or decisions based on untruths presented to you by another, they are, in effect, controlling you - after all, you certainly aren't in control if you don't have all the pertinent facts. That's all I meant by "control" and "manipulation." And we were given enough facts (he came back when her dad died and said his affair was over, then went back to the other woman; he convinced her to buy a house together and move away from familiar surroundings - if that's not manipulation, I don't know what is) to determine that he was indeed acting against her best interests somewhat deliberately. Final point - I still believe, that whatever the reason he had for finding another lover, he was married to this woman. As such, he owed her at least honesty - if he wanted the other woman, so be it. At least admit it, and go; don't lie and cheat. Let her know, and get out of the marriage. Leave her with a little dignity, if not respect.