I just found out that my husband of 40 years has been looking at internet porn for the last two years. I understand how it could have begun innocently since he had stints put in his heart and the new blood pressure medicine was causing some problems with ED for him and I had lost my father, sister, brother, and brother in law in the last few years and my mon is suffering from dementia so in a very real way I have lost my entire immediate family and their support. So I have been very depressed and did not address with him at first my concerns that the intimate relations did not result in mutual fulfillment and that contributed to my lack of desire for sex. The bad thing was that we were both so self absorbed that not talking to each other for at least on my part I didn't want to hurt his feelings. I found a couple of pictures of naked women but was so shocked that I didn't look to see if there were more. He never learned to use a computer but we both got smart phones and he told me that a friend showed him how to find these internet sites. He blamed me for my lack of interest. And seemed to justify what he was doing even when I told him that I was deeply hurt by this and that it seemed totally out of character that he would contribute to an industry that exploited women. He adored his mother, was raised by 3 older sisters, has a daughter, and two beautiful grand daughters who he adores as well. He has always seemed disgusted by this industry in the past. I saw a couple more pictures over the course of the next 8 months but again I never searched his phone because I guess I didn't want to know it was bad. Still my opinion of him has decline, my anger towards him has grown steadily to the point that everything he does annoys me and sometimes I feel like I truly hate him. I don't understand how he can continue to do something that he knows breaks my heart, and we fight all the time. ( I can remember going years without either of us saying a cross word to one another. ). Now he always blames me, says I'm going crazy, and my self esteem has dwindle to almost nothing. We have terrible fights that last for days and we have said horrible things to each other that I'm not sure either of us will ever be able to forget. Still a part of me blamed myself. Then we had a really bad fight that lasted for days and totally ruined my birthday because I couldn't stop crying and therefore I couldn't be around my children or they would be probing as to why I was so upset and I was not ready to burn that bridge. Anyway he left his phone on the coffee table when he was in bed sick. I looked at his pictures. On his favorites album there were about eight pictures. A few of our grand babies, 2 of me when I was sleeping and my gown was up and did it include my face but were just of my underwear. Then one picture of a woman's face that I did not recognize. I clicked on it a was led to a porn sight that said there are 40 some odd women within 10 miles of his home that were ready to have sex with him. Then I scrolled down his photo albums and found one titled deleted photos. He apparently deleted them from his photo stream but kept the album. There were 687 deleted pictures and these were not just a naked woman these were women fondling themselves, and pictures of just twats, tits, and assholes. I was physically ill. I could not stop throwing up. Before I confronted him about it I did some research on line about porn why men do it, how addicted it is and how it changes their attitude about what women want. No wonder I felt like he wasn't making love to me anymore. No wonder it felt like he was doing with a whore, no kissing or fore play. I printed a lot of stuff from the internet for him to read hoping if he understood how damaging it was to him as well as me he would want to get help. He agreed that a lot of what I said was probably true but as far as I know has still not read them although he agreed to get counseling if I made the appointment but wanted to make sure I got counseling too. Last night he left his phone in the kitchen and since I had not done this yet I wanted to do an internet search on his phone hoping he would forget about it and then after he went to bed I could see if I found out anything else. I looked at it only for long enough to see that he had not deleted anything the casually threw a dish towel over it so maybe he wouldn't see it. Right before he went to bed he of course couldn't find his phone. He retraced his steps and finally found it under the towel. Now I don't know when I'll get a chance to see if it goes beyond still pictures. I'm seeing my psychiatrist tomorrow because I don't know what to do. I want to leave him but she told me that 38 great years should be worth getting help. I found a specialist counselor and made him an appointment I hope he goes. I don't have a lot of faith that he will change and I don't want to live in a marriage where I don't want my husband to touch me. I can give my email address at this time because that part is on the cloud and he can see my emails. I will need to set up a new account but please if anyone gas any advice if you could post it on the website I will update email once I set one up. Baffled in Austin
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I just found out that my husband of 40 years has been looking at internet porn for the last two years. I understand how it could have begun innocently since he had stints put in his heart and the new blood pressure medicine was causing some problems with ED for him and I had lost my father, sister, brother, and brother in law in the last few years and my mon is suffering from dementia so in a very real way I have lost my entire immediate family and their support. So I have been very depressed and did not address with him at first my concerns that the intimate relations did not result in mutual fulfillment and that contributed to my lack of desire for sex. The bad thing was that we were both so self absorbed that not talking to each other for at least on my part I didn't want to hurt his feelings. I found a couple of pictures of naked women but was so shocked that I didn't look to see if there were more. He never learned to use a computer but we both got smart phones and he told me that a friend showed him how to find these internet sites. He blamed me for my lack of interest. And seemed to justify what he was doing even when I told him that I was deeply hurt by this and that it seemed totally out of character that he would contribute to an industry that exploited women. He adored his mother, was raised by 3 older sisters, has a daughter, and two beautiful grand daughters who he adores as well. He has always seemed disgusted by this industry in the past. I saw a couple more pictures over the course of the next 8 months but again I never searched his phone because I guess I didn't want to know it was bad. Still my opinion of him has decline, my anger towards him has grown steadily to the point that everything he does annoys me and sometimes I feel like I truly hate him. I don't understand how he can continue to do something that he knows breaks my heart, and we fight all the time. ( I can remember going years without either of us saying a cross word to one another. ). Now he always blames me, says I'm going crazy, and my self esteem has dwindle to almost nothing. We have terrible fights that last for days and we have said horrible things to each other that I'm not sure either of us will ever be able to forget. Still a part of me blamed myself. Then we had a really bad fight that lasted for days and totally ruined my birthday because I couldn't stop crying and therefore I couldn't be around my children or they would be probing as to why I was so upset and I was not ready to burn that bridge. Anyway he left his phone on the coffee table when he was in bed sick. I looked at his pictures. On his favorites album there were about eight pictures. A few of our grand babies, 2 of me when I was sleeping and my gown was up and did it include my face but were just of my underwear. Then one picture of a woman's face that I did not recognize. I clicked on it a was led to a porn sight that said there are 40 some odd women within 10 miles of his home that were ready to have sex with him. Then I scrolled down his photo albums and found one titled deleted photos. He apparently deleted them from his photo stream but kept the album. There were 687 deleted pictures and these were not just a naked woman these were women fondling themselves, and pictures of just twats, tits, and assholes. I was physically ill. I could not stop throwing up. Before I confronted him about it I did some research on line about porn why men do it, how addicted it is and how it changes their attitude about what women want. No wonder I felt like he wasn't making love to me anymore. No wonder it felt like he was doing with a whore, no kissing or fore play. I printed a lot of stuff from the internet for him to read hoping if he understood how damaging it was to him as well as me he would want to get help. He agreed that a lot of what I said was probably true but as far as I know has still not read them although he agreed to get counseling if I made the appointment but wanted to make sure I got counseling too. Last night he left his phone in the kitchen and since I had not done this yet I wanted to do an internet search on his phone hoping he would forget about it and then after he went to bed I could see if I found out anything else. I looked at it only for long enough to see that he had not deleted anything the casually threw a dish towel over it so maybe he wouldn't see it. Right before he went to bed he of course couldn't find his phone. He retraced his steps and finally found it under the towel. Now I don't know when I'll get a chance to see if it goes beyond still pictures. I'm seeing my psychiatrist tomorrow because I don't know what to do. I want to leave him but she told me that 38 great years should be worth getting help. I found a specialist counselor and made him an appointment I hope he goes. I don't have a lot of faith that he will change and I don't want to live in a marriage where I don't want my husband to touch me. I can give my email address at this time because that part is on the cloud and he can see my emails. I will need to set up a new account but please if anyone gas any advice if you could post it on the website I will update email once I set one up. Baffled in Austin
April 2, 2015 - 2:39pmThis Comment
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