I'm going through a similar situation. I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years and we'll maybe have sex once every 3 months or so. sometimes longer. Of course in the first few months he always wanted to have sex but not anymore. It dwindled really quick and when i used to ask him about it, he'd say he didn't know why he didnt want to or that it was maybe just a phase. The funny thing is when we broke up a few times (the reason was that i was insecure and accused/doubted him all the time of cheating because i felt he never wanted to have sex with me. he said i was pushing him to want to meet other girls and see what else was out there because i was allover him with my accusations and was too controlling and negative.) I feel I'm getting better about not controlling him and accusing him but i'm still afraid of losing him so i can be a bit needy and revolve my life around him which i need to stop. Anyway, I dont want to bring up the "lack of sex" because i feel it'll push him away more being he gets mad and says he doesnt want to talk about it anymore. He says its not because he's not attracted to me anymore but because he just couldn't get 'it' to work (i know it has to be a psychological thing being I'm probably too needy/controlling...or maybe also that he's not feeling good about himself. he took up this new job last summer and he's always overly worried with his mind constantly racing. he's also always feeling like he has to please everyone for their approval. i'm guessing this could have something to do with his dad being overly conrolling and expecting so much from him which scared him away from home to begin with. he even tells me i'm impossible to please. but there is one thing i wonder...dont some people purposely pick to be with a partner who is hard to please also, in order to try to fix them to make up for not being able to please their dad? ) anyway, sometimes he feels bad for me because he'll try but cant keep it up. and he still cuddles and wants me to do everything with him in his daily activites. We still talk about things we want to do in the future like buying a house in this community we love when we save some more money. and i know he's faithful because everytime he hangs around anyone, especially girls, they all say he talks about me ALOTand he shows them a pic of me from his wallet he always keeps. and we do everything together. Anyway, i'm trying to work on not smothering him but still showing i care (although he says he likes it that im needy and always wanting to be around him.)but for some reason i feel more like a needy pomeranian when he says that. I need to figure out how to become more desirable to him by being less insecure and needy which means i need to work on myself. i have tried to see a therapist but $195 for 80 minutes is way too expensive to hear someone tell you just to keep a journal everyday and think of ten things im thankful for everyday. i need something more effective. any ideas?
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I'm going through a similar situation. I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years and we'll maybe have sex once every 3 months or so. sometimes longer. Of course in the first few months he always wanted to have sex but not anymore. It dwindled really quick and when i used to ask him about it, he'd say he didn't know why he didnt want to or that it was maybe just a phase. The funny thing is when we broke up a few times (the reason was that i was insecure and accused/doubted him all the time of cheating because i felt he never wanted to have sex with me. he said i was pushing him to want to meet other girls and see what else was out there because i was allover him with my accusations and was too controlling and negative.) I feel I'm getting better about not controlling him and accusing him but i'm still afraid of losing him so i can be a bit needy and revolve my life around him which i need to stop. Anyway, I dont want to bring up the "lack of sex" because i feel it'll push him away more being he gets mad and says he doesnt want to talk about it anymore. He says its not because he's not attracted to me anymore but because he just couldn't get 'it' to work (i know it has to be a psychological thing being I'm probably too needy/controlling...or maybe also that he's not feeling good about himself. he took up this new job last summer and he's always overly worried with his mind constantly racing. he's also always feeling like he has to please everyone for their approval. i'm guessing this could have something to do with his dad being overly conrolling and expecting so much from him which scared him away from home to begin with. he even tells me i'm impossible to please. but there is one thing i wonder...dont some people purposely pick to be with a partner who is hard to please also, in order to try to fix them to make up for not being able to please their dad? ) anyway, sometimes he feels bad for me because he'll try but cant keep it up. and he still cuddles and wants me to do everything with him in his daily activites. We still talk about things we want to do in the future like buying a house in this community we love when we save some more money. and i know he's faithful because everytime he hangs around anyone, especially girls, they all say he talks about me ALOTand he shows them a pic of me from his wallet he always keeps. and we do everything together. Anyway, i'm trying to work on not smothering him but still showing i care (although he says he likes it that im needy and always wanting to be around him.)but for some reason i feel more like a needy pomeranian when he says that. I need to figure out how to become more desirable to him by being less insecure and needy which means i need to work on myself. i have tried to see a therapist but $195 for 80 minutes is way too expensive to hear someone tell you just to keep a journal everyday and think of ten things im thankful for everyday. i need something more effective. any ideas?
April 12, 2010 - 7:16pmThis Comment
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