I have a very similar problem, and don't know what to do. I am 22 and my fiance is 25. We got engaged 10 months ago, and only started having sex about 8 months ago. I was a virgin, he was not. We used to fool around before then, but didn't have intercourse. We don't live together and as a first-year law student, and him working, we only see each other 2-3 times a week (sometimes less). We have sex maybe 1-2 times a week. When I see him, I am always ready to have sex, since its usually been 3 or so days since the last time I saw him. However, he's not in the mood- I'm usually the one that has to initiate sex. He's a fit guy- in really good shape- exercises a lot and eats very well- and we're supposedly in the "honeymoon" phase of our relationship (we've only been having sex for 8 months)- yet, he's already uninterested in having sex with me. Sometimes, I ignore his rejection, but sometimes its very painful and I feel extremely unattractive. I have put on 15 lbs since we started dating, but I'm still a very attractive woman and get hit on by a lot of guys. Its so painful that the one guy I want to be attracted to me is the one that doesn't give me any attention. We are getting married in a couple of months and I am terrified that things will only get worse- seeing each other every day will probably decrease his interest in me even more. I can't help but cry when he rejects me. Its rare that the two of us find a place that we can be alone (seeing as we both live in full houses!), but I called him earlier this evening telling him to come over and spend the night- he initially said yes but then as the night went on he never came. Then I called him again and he made the excuse that he was tired, but then eventually said he'll come over. I called him after some time, letting him know where to park, and he said he was just going to stay home and go to bed. I was so hurt, that I couldn't help but cry, and can't stop crying even now. I am so embarrassed and mortified that I had called him. Every time I am rejected I feel like the most unattractive person on this planet, and I feel so embarrased and disgusted at myself. I try to keep things really interesting in bed (talking dirty, phone sex, telling him my fantasies and asking about his, etc.) but he rejects or ignores my attempts and never makes his own. I don't think he's cheating on me. What other possible answer is there for him not wanting to sleep with me? And what makes it worse is while all my friends are having these wonderful sex lives in commited relationships, I'm left wondering what I am doing wrong. Please help- I don't know what to do. Its so bad, that for our honeymoon I planned an exhaustive itinerary so that we would spend little or no time in the hotel room- I can't possibly take the rejection while on a honeymoon- I think I would be absolutely shattered- so I actually had to plan to make sure that we aren't in the hotel room often. Any advice would be appreciated, please help.
Comment Reply
I have a very similar problem, and don't know what to do. I am 22 and my fiance is 25. We got engaged 10 months ago, and only started having sex about 8 months ago. I was a virgin, he was not. We used to fool around before then, but didn't have intercourse. We don't live together and as a first-year law student, and him working, we only see each other 2-3 times a week (sometimes less). We have sex maybe 1-2 times a week. When I see him, I am always ready to have sex, since its usually been 3 or so days since the last time I saw him. However, he's not in the mood- I'm usually the one that has to initiate sex. He's a fit guy- in really good shape- exercises a lot and eats very well- and we're supposedly in the "honeymoon" phase of our relationship (we've only been having sex for 8 months)- yet, he's already uninterested in having sex with me. Sometimes, I ignore his rejection, but sometimes its very painful and I feel extremely unattractive. I have put on 15 lbs since we started dating, but I'm still a very attractive woman and get hit on by a lot of guys. Its so painful that the one guy I want to be attracted to me is the one that doesn't give me any attention. We are getting married in a couple of months and I am terrified that things will only get worse- seeing each other every day will probably decrease his interest in me even more. I can't help but cry when he rejects me. Its rare that the two of us find a place that we can be alone (seeing as we both live in full houses!), but I called him earlier this evening telling him to come over and spend the night- he initially said yes but then as the night went on he never came. Then I called him again and he made the excuse that he was tired, but then eventually said he'll come over. I called him after some time, letting him know where to park, and he said he was just going to stay home and go to bed. I was so hurt, that I couldn't help but cry, and can't stop crying even now. I am so embarrassed and mortified that I had called him. Every time I am rejected I feel like the most unattractive person on this planet, and I feel so embarrased and disgusted at myself. I try to keep things really interesting in bed (talking dirty, phone sex, telling him my fantasies and asking about his, etc.) but he rejects or ignores my attempts and never makes his own. I don't think he's cheating on me. What other possible answer is there for him not wanting to sleep with me? And what makes it worse is while all my friends are having these wonderful sex lives in commited relationships, I'm left wondering what I am doing wrong. Please help- I don't know what to do. Its so bad, that for our honeymoon I planned an exhaustive itinerary so that we would spend little or no time in the hotel room- I can't possibly take the rejection while on a honeymoon- I think I would be absolutely shattered- so I actually had to plan to make sure that we aren't in the hotel room often. Any advice would be appreciated, please help.
April 17, 2010 - 11:53pmThis Comment
Reply