Thanks everyone for the thoughtful and heartfelt comments here. I have a question that maybe somebody can help me with. I recently had unprotected sex once with someone who I had been starting to date. His choice to do it without protection, and he said he had had an std test a few months before (though I now realize that this probably did not include a test for herpes, as the CDC recommends that that is not usually included in screens unless explicitly requested). A couple days later he had an outbreak of something which the doctor he saw thought was herpes. He hasn't gotten the results yet. When he told me this, he asked me (angrily) if I had know I had it. I had no idea and have never had an outbreak of anything and feel mortified if I accidentally gave someone an incurable STD that I didn't know I had and had no symptoms of. I will get tested as soon as possible and before I have any further intimate relationships. But after reading as much as I could about this online, I am wondering if there is any chance at all that he is wrong and I did not give him this (assuming it turns out to in fact be HSV2 or possibly 1)? (We did go down on each other briefly, but I've also never had cold sores, so this seems less likely given how unusual that form of transmission would be.) I've read that some people never have initial outbreaks (I didn't), but also that sex can be a common trigger for outbreaks. He said his symptoms were apparently much less than is common for initial outbreaks (less blistering, no pain, and no general flu symptoms), so it made me wonder if it was possible that he had already had it without knowing (which would still mean I might now have it from him, but wouldn't make that a certainty). As I understand it from looking for statistics, there is something between a 2% and 10% chance of transmission from one time having sex while the other person is not having an outbreak (closer to 2% for woman-->man and 10% for man-->woman). But different sites give slightly different numbers on this. I know it's possible that he could have gotten it from me from one time together, but it seems like such long odds, so I'm wondering if there is any other possible explanation. I've been really struggling with this, as I was confronted with it in a very accusatory fashion and it completely blindsided me in the middle of one of the most important weeks of my career and I don't have anyone to talk to about it. I'm trying to hope that it isn't as bad as it sounds. I feel terrible for this guy, who has been a friend before this and who I don't want to have hurt in this way. But I also feel very offended by the way he shamed / accused me. I'm just hoping there might be some other explanation.
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Thanks everyone for the thoughtful and heartfelt comments here. I have a question that maybe somebody can help me with. I recently had unprotected sex once with someone who I had been starting to date. His choice to do it without protection, and he said he had had an std test a few months before (though I now realize that this probably did not include a test for herpes, as the CDC recommends that that is not usually included in screens unless explicitly requested). A couple days later he had an outbreak of something which the doctor he saw thought was herpes. He hasn't gotten the results yet. When he told me this, he asked me (angrily) if I had know I had it. I had no idea and have never had an outbreak of anything and feel mortified if I accidentally gave someone an incurable STD that I didn't know I had and had no symptoms of. I will get tested as soon as possible and before I have any further intimate relationships. But after reading as much as I could about this online, I am wondering if there is any chance at all that he is wrong and I did not give him this (assuming it turns out to in fact be HSV2 or possibly 1)? (We did go down on each other briefly, but I've also never had cold sores, so this seems less likely given how unusual that form of transmission would be.) I've read that some people never have initial outbreaks (I didn't), but also that sex can be a common trigger for outbreaks. He said his symptoms were apparently much less than is common for initial outbreaks (less blistering, no pain, and no general flu symptoms), so it made me wonder if it was possible that he had already had it without knowing (which would still mean I might now have it from him, but wouldn't make that a certainty). As I understand it from looking for statistics, there is something between a 2% and 10% chance of transmission from one time having sex while the other person is not having an outbreak (closer to 2% for woman-->man and 10% for man-->woman). But different sites give slightly different numbers on this. I know it's possible that he could have gotten it from me from one time together, but it seems like such long odds, so I'm wondering if there is any other possible explanation. I've been really struggling with this, as I was confronted with it in a very accusatory fashion and it completely blindsided me in the middle of one of the most important weeks of my career and I don't have anyone to talk to about it. I'm trying to hope that it isn't as bad as it sounds. I feel terrible for this guy, who has been a friend before this and who I don't want to have hurt in this way. But I also feel very offended by the way he shamed / accused me. I'm just hoping there might be some other explanation.
November 17, 2015 - 9:33pmThis Comment
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